


Sifting The Salvage

by OrionRedde, Shyrstyne



Series: Heart Hotel Stands AU [9]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreams, Grief, Memories, Metaphysical Bullshit, Multi, Trauma, past reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27949907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrionRedde/pseuds/OrionRedde, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyrstyne/pseuds/Shyrstyne
Summary: Sora sinks into the abyss. Riku and Kairi go after him.
Relationships: Kairi/Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Heart Hotel Stands AU [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1478012
Comments: 46
Kudos: 79





	1. Support Network

**Author's Note:**

> SO not long after i made that 'idk how long this is gonna take ive been hella burnt out for months' statement.... i got hit hard by the writing bug XD go figure. that being said the next part is still pretty up in the air; some of you may notice it's status in the overview has been changed from 'general planning stage' to 'wip', but in truth there's still a lot left i need to figure out about it. even it's name has changed lol.
> 
> but aside all that, happy solstice and other assorted holidays this time of year! i beleive today is the first day of hanukkah even so happy hanukkah to those who celebrate it! please enjoy my gift to you, in which the search for Sora is now officially underway~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also xion's pronoun transition is very much a background event here but it'll get a little more focus in the other fic which runs more or less parallel to this one, just fyi if you're confused why xion is suddenly using 'they'

Chirithy sighs deeply as they bustle up to the sort-of body laying in their domain.

“I warned you, you know.” They say, but their voice is sad. The translucent form before them doesn’t move or react at all, inert against the reflective waters of the Final World. Chirithy plops themself next to it, resting a pudgy cheek in their paw as they consider the situation.

“Oh boy. I don’t think I can fix this.” They mutter. “Maybe..”

It was risky.. But then wasn’t the person before them fond of that? Risk and reward and all that.

Chirithy stands, doing a couple of warmup stretches.

“Okay. This is either gonna help or… tear you apart completely. I really, _really_ hope it’s the first one.” Chirithy entreats, reaching out to pat the boys glittering cheek. “I haven’t forgotten, after all. You promised.”

He’d promised it a lot, actually. Not that he remembered any of them. That’s okay. That just means Chirithy will have to remind him once he’s better. No big deal, right?

The body laying against the water wavers, already translucent form fading just a little more, and Chirithy knows they’re out of time.

“Alright.” They say softly as they start to glow brightly, power and magic gathering on them as a focal point. It releases in a flash, and as Chirithy floats gently back to the water they take a deep breath.

They look down into the reflective surface, and for just a moment they can see the familiar face of a boy as he travels further downward into its depths.

“Sweet dreams, Sora.”

-

“Sora!”

Riku sits bolt upright in the borrowed bed, blindly reaching for something- some _one,_ that isn’t there.

His sleep addled mind clears, and the ache in his chest returns. There’s the thump of steps across floorboards, and a moment later Kairi appears in his doorway, framed by the light in the hall. She steps closer, carefully, and a few moments later Riku realises he hasn’t been breathing.

He takes in a long, shuddering breath as Kairi reaches up to run her fingers through his hair, her presence a soothing balm to the anxiety in his throat. The details are starting to fade. He has to tell her.

“I saw Sora.” He gasps, and her fingers still.

“You saw him?”

“There was- water, everywhere. An endless sky. Stars.” He’s probably not making sense, but he needs to get it out before he forgets. It wasn’t a simple dream or nightmare this time, he’s certain. “He sank below.”

“Do you know where it is?” Kairi asks. Riku’s averted gaze tells her the answer clearly enough.

He knows she hates that she can’t help. He hates that he has something and he can’t seem to follow it. They stay there until the sun crests the horizon, talking and trying to make the scattered puzzle pieces fit together to no avail. Morning comes and goes, and they hear the shuffling as Sora’s parents start about their day. They nearly get up when they hear a light yelp come from downstairs, but settle again when the voices continue more calmly. Maybe Lia had dropped something.

She opens the door a little while later, plates balanced on one arm. Riku sits up to greet her, but Kairi remains where she is, too tired to expend the energy, though she smiles up at Lia as she sets down the tray.

“That ghost of yours insisted I get you breakfast.” She says. “I guess you haven’t eaten?”

Riku blinks, surprised.

“Ansem?” He asks, brows furrowing as he searches inside. Kairi hadn’t seen either of them manifest, so either it had been while they weren’t paying attention or he’d managed to form out of sight beyond the door.

“Why would he…?” Care? Bother? She’s not sure how she wants to end that question, fairly certain either option may cause some offense. Riku snorts as he receives his answer from within.

“He says he doesn’t want us starving while he’s still reliant on us.”

“Well, either way, he’s right.” Lia reaches down to tug Kairi up. “You need to eat. I’m headed out soon but Kaze will drop by later to make sure you’ve finished it. I haven't seen Haru around today so you'll probably have the place to yourselves otherwise.”

“I’m sorry.” Kairi feels the need to apologize. “We’re already taking your space, we didn’t mean to be a burden to you when you’re already…” dealing with the loss of their son.

“Never be sorry.” Lia’s voice is soft, and she reaches out to pet Kairi’s hair gently, moving to do the same to Riku a moment later. “We’re all hurting. This is actually good for us, having you around, even if it's only sometimes. It gives us something else to focus on.”

“We’ll find him.” Riku says, pushing all his determination into the words, and Lia’s answering smile is sad.

“I know you will.”

-

It’s Xion who has the answer, or part of it at least, to what that strange place Riku had seen might be.

“The Final World.” They say solemnly. “That’s where we went before when… When everyone died.”

“That sounds bad.” Kairi murmurs. Riku has to agree.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Xion admits. “We came back obviously, but Chirithy made it sound like you weren’t really supposed to, usually. Sora was special somehow, but I’m not sure if that’s still true in this case.”

“There has to be a way.” Riku shakes his head. “He’s not completely gone, we just have to figure it out.”

“Chirithy said..” Xion hums, trying to remember. “That sometimes the edges of sleep and death touch. That’s probably how you saw him last night. Maybe you could use that?”

That causes Riku’s mind to whirl into action. Could his Dream Eater connection help with that? He glances at Kairi, who’s staring back with a complicated expression. Could he bring her with, somehow?

They both wanted (needed) Sora back after all.

“It’s a lead.” He tells Xion, grateful. “Thanks, Xion.”

They nod with a sad smile.

“He’s out there. You’ll find him.”

“Xion!” That’s Roxas, waving from the other side of the Bistro. Xion returns the wave and stands, grabbing jacket and bag as they go.

“Good luck. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.” Xion offers, and Roxas has a painfully innocent look of hope to him as Xion approaches. They shake their head, and Roxas’ shoulders slump. Xion takes his hand and they leave.

Riku and Kairi are left alone in the busy restaurant area. After months of fruitless searching, lives had started to move on, they had no choice. But Riku and Kairi both know that if they were to procure the slightest bit of hope, everyone would come running once more. It’s comforting.

Riku reaches out from under the table, and Kairi takes his hand without hesitation.

-

Yen Sid summons them, or more specifically, he summons Riku.

Riku almost doesn’t go. They have more important things to be doing, tracing the strained and thin remnants of his Dream Eater connection to Sora for one, and doesn’t feel much up to dealing with whatever bureaucratic nonsense the former Master has come up with today. It’s Kairi who convinces him to go, pointing out that he’s running himself ragged and maybe taking a day or two off to talk to Yen Sid might give him some new ideas.

Kairi has to make the trip to Radiant Garden anyway, to give Naminé her own body now that one has been completed, so they decide to make it one big round trip. They step onto the small area that holds the Mysterious Tower with trepidation, not really sure what to expect.

Riku holds Kairi’s hand tightly the whole way up those winding staircases, and she wonders why he’s so nervous.

He stops outside the last door and she glances up into his face in worry. Had he gotten taller again? That didn’t seem fair but at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to complain… much.

Riku shakes his head and then takes a deep breath, stepping forward to open the large door.

Yen Sid greets them as he always does, with a barely perceptible tip of his head and a piercing stare that makes Kairi’s skin crawl a little. They do perfunctory bow’s and then wait for him to speak.

“Riku.” The old master starts with gravity. “Do you know why I called you here?”

“I don’t.” Riku answers dutifully. Yen Sid closes his eyes.

“Once, you turned down the Mark of Master. Your reasons then were in hindsight understandable, but today I would like to offer you your Mark once more.”

Riku stiffens, and Kairi has to bite her cheek as his grip on her hand grows painfully tight.

“Sir.” Riku says, voice tight and carefully restrained. “If you understand why I turned it down then I hope you would know that offering me that now is a bad idea.”

He won’t take it while Sora is still missing. To do that would be.. Sacrilege. No more, no less.

“You misunderstand me.” Yen Sid raises one hand in peace. “I know how much your missing friend pains you. I do not offer this as some misguided consolation. I offer because I believe the Mark and certain powers it grants may assist you in finding him.”

Both Kairi and Riku’s attention changes in pitch, Riku’s eyes widening and Kairi leaning forward in anticipation.

“How?” Kairi asks, her own hand squeezing Riku’s as hope fills them both.

“The Mark is perfunctory, a symbol of rank… mostly. It does however entitle you to knowledge and powers unattainable by most, and I wished to give you whatever assistance I may in your search.”

Riku looks down at Kairi, a question in his gaze. She nods. Anything that might help. She knows he doesn’t want to take the Mark without Sora, but that was a regret she was sure they could live with so long as it helped them find him.

Riku hesitates a moment longer, turning his thoughts over in his head, and then his gaze snaps up, decision made and face determined.

“Alright. I’ll take it.”

-

They swing by the islands to pick up Haru, and then it’s off to the Garden.

Kairi had been nervous about transferring Naminé, but thankfully it goes seamlessly and they watch in wonder as her body takes shape before them. She blinks open bright blue eyes that water as she takes in the crowd around her.

“Happy Birthday, Naminé.” Kairi grins, and thankfully it makes Naminé laugh as much as roll her eyes. She helps Naminé to her feet and Riku hands her a thin jacket and shoes to go over her plain shirt and bare soles.

Haru steps close and pulls her into the tightest hug he can manage, and Kairi turns her attention to Riku in an attempt to give them a modicum of privacy. She pretends not to hear how both their breathing starts to shake a little.

They pull apart but not completely, leaning shoulder to shoulder as they turn to Riku and Kairi.

“You’re going then?” Naminé asks. She doesn’t need to elaborate. She’d been there for most of it after all. Kairi nods.

“Yeah. We have to try.”

“What about..?” Haru glances at Riku, who’s expression grows shadowed.

“We’ll figure it out. They don’t mean any harm I don’t think. That’ll have to be good enough until we find Sora. We can’t wait for two more bodies to be finished before we go searching for him.” He says. Naminé nods sadly even as Haru frowns.

Naminé takes a step forward, and for a second Kairi has the worst deja vu, their positions uncomfortably mirroring that wonderful and awful moment that Naminé had joined with her.

This time though, Naminé smiles.

“Good luck.” She says. “If there’s ever anything I can help with… You know where to find me.”

Kairi feels the lightest tug on her heart, and with blinding clarity knows exactly what that means. She grins.

“Of course.” She says, pulling the other girl in for the tightest hug she can manage. “Thank you, Naminé.”

-

“You’re leaving?” Ven’s voice comes through the tinny speakers of Kairi’s phone. “Does that mean you have a lead!?”

There’s a scuffle as Vanitas wrests the phone from Ven’s grasp and Kairi waits as the two duke it out.

“Where is he?” Vanitas demands as he emerges the victor. Kairi shakes her head.

“We don’t know for sure. Right now it’s only a hunch.”

She sees Ven’s form droop in the background. Vanitas’ eyes narrow.

“So? Tell us.”

“We might be able to use my link to Sora to trace him to wherever he is. Xion called it the Final World, and its realm crosses over with sleep just enough we should be able to breach its boundaries if we’re careful.”

“Why sleep?” Ven asks. Vanitas hisses something at him that makes Ven wince. “Oh. Right. The Dream Eater thing.”

Riku blushes faintly, flinching. Kairi wonders why he’s still so skittish about that link between them. Maybe because Sora himself didn’t know?

Kairi pauses, tuning out Riku’s continued update to Ven and Vani of the situation as she turns that thought over in her head.

That was right. Sora had been asleep, and Riku had saved him, but it hadn’t been until much, much later that Riku had told her what he had become in order to keep Sora safe. He didn’t know how, but he had. It wasn’t so much of a stretch that Riku hadn’t told Sora either, having assumed there would be time to come to terms with it first before bringing it to Sora’s attention.

Of course, there hadn’t been time, and Sora had been unceremoniously stripped from them. Of course Riku didn’t like everyone knowing about it when one of the most important people to its function did not.

Of course it was only those closest who knew now; Kairi herself, their former heartmates, the King, Yen Sid, Haru… but she could see how it might gall Riku nonetheless. Still, there hadn’t been much of a choice, when they were desperately searching for clues. It was something of an open secret now.

“How’s Kairi going to get there then?” Vanitas asks, drawing her out of her reverie. Riku glances at her, and she feels warm inside at his confident expression.

“I have an idea.” Riku says, and oh that deliberate air of mystery is one she both hates and loves.

They trade a few more pleasantries but it’s not long before it’s obvious Ven and Vani are stalling. Kairi sighs.

“We should go.” She says in no uncertain terms, but she tries to smile and soften the blow. “We’ll be okay. We’ll bring him home.”

“You better.” Vanitas scowls, and though they may not be entirely used to reading Vani’s expressions, they know his body language well, and they can both clearly see he’s upset. Kairi wishes she could reach out and hug them, but it’s impossible at this distance.

“Tell us if there’s anything we can do to help.” Ven entreats. “Anything at all.”

“Of course.” Riku nods. As if they would do anything less. Vanitas leans back, seeming to accept this.

“Don’t let yourselves get killed doing this either.” Vanitas says and the screen goes dark as the call ends, cutting off Ven as he protests Vanitas’ abruptness. Kairi shakes her head with a laugh. Never change, Vani. She looks up at Riku then, a question in her gaze.

“Were you going to tell me about this idea eventually?” She asks, and he shrugs but doesn’t look contrite.

“I only had it while I was talking to Ven. Something I learned about after I took the Mark but didn’t really think about until just now.”

“And what’s that?”

-

All Dream Eaters are spirits. Riku was an exceptional case, having started as human and becoming something else entirely when it was needed, but this much was still true. He was a type of spirit, bound to both the human and spirit realms.

Not all Spirits are Dream Eaters though, as Riku explains to her. They head for the Land of Departure and borrow Aqua and Terra’s library to their enthusiastic consent. They offer to help them find what they need in it’s massive expanse, but Riku declines, already knowing roughly what he’s looking for.

He lays an exceptionally large and heavy tomb onto one of the tables, flipping through it until he finds the correct passages.

Kairi looks it over and blinks in surprise.

“Chirithy? Isn’t that what Xion mentioned was in the Final World?” She asks. Riku nods.

“They’re related to Dream Eaters in a lot of ways but the way they’re made and what they can do differs just enough to give them their own classification.”

“ ‘Chirithy as Dream Eater Adjacent;’ “ Kairi reads off the page. “ ‘Created ad interim, though each seemingly identical to the next they are as unique and varied as their anchors. They are bound to a single entity hereto until death, lifeforce combined with their chosen or assigned anchor. Intensely loyal creature, it has incredible connection to the realm of light.’ “

The book goes on (and on, and on, and on), even talking briefly about the Chirithy’s incredibly rare dark counterpart, but it doesn’t seem particularly important at the moment. She looks up at Riku again.

“Okay, so what do we do with this?”

“Here.” Riku points to a particular passage, detailing the process to create such creatures. “In the dream worlds, me and Sora could create Dream Eaters. I’m sure Sora showed you pictures, right?” She nods. “But I wasn’t. I changed myself just by entering Sora’s dream. I think we might be able to do the same for you.”

“Why not a Dream Eater then?” Kairi asks, confused. “Why a Chirithy?”

Riku gets that look in his eye like he’s resisting the urge to hunch in on himself. She resists the urge to reach out. Answers first.

“Every Dream Eater can become a Nightmare.” He says. “That goes for me too I bet. I don’t think you could, considering. Chirithy’s have such a strong connection to the light that Nightmare Chirithy’s border on hypothetical. So I think if we use the same process in a slightly different way.. This could work.”

“Well,” Kairi lets her eyes scan the dense page once more. “Let’s try it then.”

They pass Aqua on their way out, who is resting cross legged in front of the three chairs in the main hall, Master Defender laid across her legs. She looks much better these days, her hair only having the barest streaks of white left in it, and only her fingers remain stained in red and black, hard and calloused.

“Aqua?” Kairi asks, sensing the Master hadn’t heard them approach, absorbed in her thoughts. Aqua blinks and looks up, hand instinctively wrapping tightly around Master Defender, though she doesn’t outwardly startle.

“Kairi, Riku.” She greets. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I think so.” Riku nods. “We have something to try now at least.”

“Good.” Aqua has a relieved smile. “You’re on your way then?”

“Pretty soon.” Kairi answers. “What were you doing?”

“Meditating.” Aqua sighs. “This isn’t the usual place for it, but I thought.. Maybe it would bring me closer to the Master somehow.”

She draws the hilt of Master Defender up to her chest, drawing the gazes of both Kairi and Riku. Aqua notices, and gives a little laugh.

“I guess this is probably closer to him than any room or chair can get me, but still.. There are a lot of memories here.”

“So that keyblade..?” Riku isn’t sure how to ask.

“Was Master Eraqus’, yes.” Aqua says, and Riku and Kairi both blink in surprise. They hadn’t known.

“I’ve never seen you use anything else.” Kairi admits. “I thought it was yours.”

“No.” Aqua shakes her head. “Just a relic, passed from him to me after he died. I left my keyblade with Terra when.. Well, I left it with his body, when I fell into the dark, trying to keep him safe. It’s been lost to me since.”

Something surges in Riku, and it takes him a moment to realise it’s Xemnas.

 _“It was yours.”_ The man speaks. _“The feeling I spent so long chasing…”_

Riku’s brows furrow. Xemnas rarely spent much time talking or interacting with the world in general, and he’s confused by the cryptic comment.

_“I beleive I may know where her keyblade is.”_

-

It’s a long, awkward walk through Radiant Garden and into the hidden depths of its castle. Xemnas leads them through the last leg of it, the only one who had ever walked these halls before. The cages are dark and empty, and all three of the people following him have to suppress shivers.

Riku wonders how Xemnas feels about these cages, knowing he’d originated from the person who had once put them to use, but the ghost that leads them does not let on if he feels anything at all.

At the very end of the hall is a door, and this is where Xemnas stops. He turns to face Aqua, who until now has followed with a stony expression. He seems to regard her for a long moment, and then turns to the pad next to the door, entering a sequence into it so the door may open.

Aqua steps into the blindingly white room, but when Riku and Kairi move to follow Xemnas raises his arm to block them, and the door closes behind her.

Xemnas shakes his head, and then Riku understands. This was an intensely personal moment, and wasn’t something that needed spectation. He’s somewhat impressed that Xemnas had understood that even before him.

They wait outside, patient despite both of them wanting to continue on. It’s nearly an hour before the door softly swishes open once more. Aqua steps out, and her hair now only bears the slightest strands of white.

Kairi stands from where they had been sitting against the wall in wait, fists clenched tightly.

“Did it…?” She’s not entirely sure what to ask. There’s a breathless eternity where Aqua doesn’t react at all.

Then, Aqua smiles, and lifts one hand. Light flashes, and Stormfall appears in it with confidant grace. Kairi beams, and Riku releases a deep sigh of relief.

Kairi jumps into Aqua’s arms with a laugh and a tight hug which is returned joyfully. Riku stands, smiling widely himself.

“How’s it feel?” He asks as Aqua and Kairi separate. Aqua is still smiling as she answers.

“Like coming home.” She says simply.

“Why couldn’t you just.. Call it back?” Kairi asks, curious. Every other keyblade she’d known was not so easily separated from its wielder.

“I gave it a job to do.” Aqua answers. “One spurred on with all my heart. It would not return until that job was complete, but due to… well, everything, I had unknowingly given it an impossible task. So here it stayed.”

“You wanted to protect Terra.” Riku surmises, and Aqua nods.

“But Terra was gone.. Or at least, he was not as he was, split across people and bodies. It did the best it could.”

 _“It explains a great deal, why it would not respond to me despite it’s constant call.”_ Xemnas murmurs. _“It was one of the few.. Diversions I allowed myself, when I still so fully believed I could feel nothing.”_

“I think it did help.” Riku says, and Aqua tilts her head in question. “Maybe not directly, but..”

 _“I believe I wish to thank her. Would that be appropriate?”_ Xemnas asks. Ansem scoffs.

_“Don’t be spineless. Thank her or don’t.”_

Riku ignores the impending bickering. He opens his mouth, but is stopped when Xemnas swirls into being once more in front of Aqua. The remnants of her smile fall as she regards him, not really familiar enough with him despite their distant connection.

He raises one arm, the long sleeves of his body falling back to let his hand show as it reaches out. Aqua has the handle of Stormfall clutched to her chest, and he gently trails long fingers down it’s handle in a caress. She looks up into his masked face, searching, seeming unsure of what she finds.

She bites her lip.

“Thank you.” She says at length, and Xemnas draws back, lifting his head from her blade to her face. “I’m guessing you probably didn’t do it for me specifically, but you still kept it safe all this time. So thank you for that.”

It takes a long, painful moment, but eventually Xemnas gives a slow nod of acknowledgment.

“I think…” Riku pauses, looking towards Xemnas for permission. The man nods. “I think it meant a lot to him.”

He doesn’t know the details, the why’s or the how’s, but he knows the feeling. He wishes either Aqua or Xemnas knew their signs so they could talk properly.

Maybe someday.

“I’m… glad.” Aqua says, like she isn’t quite sure how to respond to that. “Well. I’m grateful to you for doing this for me, Riku, Kairi. I know you’re anticipating getting on your way.”

Kairi nods.

“We are, but this was important too. I’m happy you were reunited.”

Aqua’s smile returns, still full of relief.

“Me too.”

-

Diversions complete, goodbye’s said, they return once more to the Keyblade Graveyard.

Kairi takes a deep breath as they stare up into the sky. The immense moon of Kingdom Hearts is invisible now, but they know its power floats there, waiting and silent.

“Ready?” Riku asks, his hand clenched in hers, still staring into the clouds.

She nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first couple chapters were done over the course of about four months, forcing myself to tap away at it through some heavy burnout. the last four were done over the course of the last two weeks. so if the pacing seems weird sometimes... that'll be why lol


	2. Self Compassion Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first dive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll ready for everyone to have just _fucktons_ of guilt and trying to work through it?

If Kairi were asked to describe her transition from human to Chirithy, or even the process of travelling from the world of waking to that of sleep, she’s not sure if she could. It’s a mess of feelings and colours and movement and most of all _music_ that is chaotic and wonderful in equal measure.

She bursts from it with arms splayed, her chest is full and she feels like her body is a riot of fireworks all going off at once. She drops to the ground, stumbling as she tries to find her feet, and it takes a moment for her to register the hands holding her steady, every nerve ending somehow simultaneously on fire and completely numb. She can feel the air around her tingle, thrown wide from her body in every direction. Something else in her yawns, searching for the other end to a link that isn’t there.

“-okay? Kairi?” Oh, that’s Riku, she realises as her senses slowly narrow back down to her immediate self. She finds her balance again, standing a little straighter and blinking as the world comes back into focus.

“Was it like that for you too?” She asks, still a little breathless. She can stand on her own now, but he doesn’t remove his hands.

“Uh, no? I didn’t even notice really. I knew something had changed but I’d assumed it was part of the test until.. Well.”

Huh. Weird. Maybe Chirithy’s were just different.

Her heart pulses, reaching for that missing anchor again.

She looks around, taking in their new surroundings. Endless blue skies in every direction, smooth reflective water beneath their feet. Riku follows her lead, looking around.

“It looks like my dream.” Riku murmurs.

“And it matches Xion’s description.” Kairi agrees. “We’re on the right track.”

“The question is where to next?” Riku’s eyes narrow as he examines the beautiful but largely empty landscape. It’s a good question, and Kairi chews on her lip in thought.

“I can probably help with that.” A voice exclaims, and Kairi shrieks, nearly jumping into an equally surprised Riku at the unexpected voice beside them.

The tiny creature looks up at them with faux-sewn eyes, seeming to blink curiously. It shuffles nervously, rubbing at little black ears in embarrassment.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I should have announced myself, huh?”

“You’re Chirithy, aren’t you?” Kairi realizes, remembering the diagrams from the book and Xion’s descriptions. Chirithy nods.

“I am! And you’re here for Sora, right?”

“Can you help us?” Riku kneels before Chirithy, tone urgent. Chirithy nods.

“Yes, well- a bit anyway. I can guide you to him, but putting him back together and getting him out is going to be up to you.”

“What do you mean?” Kairi kneels next to Riku, concerned. They knew there was a possibility getting Sora back wouldn’t be so simple, but to hear such hard confirmation of it brings a tight anxiety to her chest.

“He’s been through a lot, mentally, emotionally, physically… Ten times the amount it would take to break most people. And it did. Thankfully I managed to get to him before he vanished completely- he’s very tenacious you know! He was still doing everything he could to hold on, even as he was.” Chirithy bounches a little on their feet, pride in Sora’s tenacity shining in their tone.

“He is pretty stubborn.” Riku agrees, solemn but for the barest hint of a fond smile. “What happened then?”

“I couldn’t hold him together indefinitely, not here at least. That’s not in my power.” Chirithy shakes their head. “But I _do_ have some power over the realm of sleep and memories, and those can heal or break in equal measure, so I sent him below to keep the pieces of him from disappearing in hopes that he could maybe heal enough to come back up.”

“You say they can heal _or_ break. That sounds risky.” Kairi notes, and Chirithy nods.

“It was, but the only other option was to let him fade away completely, and I couldn’t let that happen, let alone to someone who means so much to Ven.” They say. “Besides, this place is where the departed wait for those they love, and it would be… really sad to let someone fade before they were ready.”

Put that way, Kairi can’t help but agree.

“So.. what can we do? Can we help him?” She asks. Chirithy hums in thought.

“Mmmmaybe. As fellow spirits entering his dream state should be easy enough, and your links to him should let you interact in a way most spirits couldn’t… Yes, I think you can. It won’t be easy though, you’ll have to sink through many layers of dreams and memories in order to reach him.”

“We’ll do whatever it takes.” Riku says, voice hard. Kairi has a question though.

“What do you mean, _our_ links?” She asks. “My chirithy link won’t sync until we meet him again, and the paopu was just a legend.”

Chirithy tilts their head, confused.

“That’s not what I- Oh, you can’t see it? Some bonds transcend all kinds of boundaries, sometimes even death. Kind of like memories and hearts that way.”

“What bond? What do you mean?” Riku asks. Chirithy shakes their head.

“You’ll figure it out. You have someone to save, don’t you?”

“Right.” Riku straightens, steeling himself. Kairi pouts at the non-answer, but Chirithy is right. Priorities. “How do we start?”

-

It’s not unlike a dive into the heart, as Chirithy explains it to them. The water beneath their feet turns suddenly to a more natural liquid state, and they slip beneath it’s expanse with a splash and a gasp. Riku feels Kairi reaching blindly for him, and he twines her questing fingers with his as they fall. They drop steadily, and the feeling of dark waters soon passes into just darkness.

“I can’t follow you,” Chirithy’s voice chases them down. “But I’ll be able to help guide you for a while. I can’t go all the way though, the Abyss is beyond even my reach.”

It’s already fairly dark as they drop, the bright skies of the Final World fading rapidly behind them, but there are still bits of lights and colours that dance around them as they pass. It’s beautiful, in a haphazard sort of way.

They come to a gentle stop still surrounded by darkness, lit from above by the Final World. Riku and Kairi look around, trying to find what they’re supposed to do now.

“You’ll be sinking through Sora’s memories,” Chirithy’s voice comes. “There are a lot of them, so be prepared.”

Riku takes a deep breath, and then with no more warning the scenery shifts, and they find themselves floating in the Keyblade Graveyard once more.

“I hate this place.” Kairi mutters. Riku can’t help but agree. The more they see it the more it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

It’s like watching a movie on rewind, except sometimes it will randomly pause to play normally for a while only to suddenly go into reverse once more, everything familiar and yet somehow wrong. They watch the rise and fall and rise again.

They watch themselves die protecting Sora.

Riku takes another deep breath.

“I know Xion said, but…” He trails off. Kairi nods, a lump in her throat.

“It’s different, seeing it.”

“The last jump.” Chirithy supplies. “Where he finally managed to break the cycle, with the young Xehanort’s help.”

“Xehanort?” Kairi yelps, and Riku’s brows furrow.

“Xion didn’t mention that.”

"I'm not surprised. It's... complicated. Kinda. The young Xehanort was aware of the loops as well, and I guess he wanted them to end just as badly." Chirithy says. Riku doesn't know how he feels about that. The loops had broken Sora, were they the reason Xehanort was the way he was too? No, there had to have been a first loop after all, which meant Xehanort was still the cause of all this. Still.. It did explain a little, especially about the Young Xehanort's peculiar manerisms compared to his other selves.

The scenery shifts. Riku and Kairi are treated to the view of their own retreating backs, turning to see Sora still sitting on the paopu tree, staring out into the darkening night.

They remember this, or at least, they remember what came just prior; sharing the paopu and that brief moment of hope and happiness. They had retired for the night, knowing they needed all the rest they could get for the next day, leaving Sora on the tree alone after making him promise to follow them soon.

And yet… Sora’s smile looks sad. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his bit of paopu, whole and uneaten, and Kairi stifles a gasp.

“That idio- Sora _why?”_ She asks the memory, which of course doesn’t respond. Riku moves to kneel before the phantom, questions in his throat that he can’t voice. Sora chuckles at something unheard to them, but the sound is watery.

“They don’t need me weighing them down, Xion. Besides, you’ve seen the way they are around each other. Riku’s so cool and strong and Kairi’s so smart and quick.. I’m happy for them. Really.” He murmurs. “It’s just- it’s just an old legend anyway.”

Silence, as he listens to whatever Xion tells him.

“Does it matter?” He asks. “Look I.. I’ll think about it, but later, okay? After all this with Xehanort.”

The memories move as if in fast motion, bits and pieces flying by them, both familiar and not. The tense fear that had permeated the entirety of the Master Exam for Sora. The search for Riku. The rise through Castle Oblivion. That awful first year after the Islands had fallen.

 _“Why do you chase him, knowing he doubted your connection so thoroughly?”_ Xemnas asks. Riku tries not to take offence, knowing the question is intended with genuine curiosity and not malice as it might once have been.

“Because we.. because he’s our friend, and he matters to us.” Riku answers, prompting Kairi to glance over to him. “If he doubted us.. Then that’s our fault, for not being there for him when he needed us most.”

Ansem scoffs and Riku’s fists clench. A moment later he feels Kairi’s hand wrap around one of those clenched fists.

“We could have done better, it’s true.” She says sadly. “But there was more going on here than just us. This never would have happened under normal circumstances.”

Well, she has him there.

“We’re here now.” Kairi continues. “And we’ll make it count. We’re going to bring him home.”

Childhood flies by them, the memories fuzzy with age, and then they float in silent darkness once more.

“Is that all?” Kairi asks, frowning. Riku can’t help but agree, knowing there must be more.

“Not even close.” Chirithy’s voice confirms. “His pieces- his memories- are scattered. You have to follow them deeper. I can’t help you there, you have to find them on your own.”

Kairi takes a deep breath, and Riku unclenches his fist to hold Kairi’s hand properly, needing to feel the steady warmth of her palm against him. He closes his eyes, and feels within himself for that threadbare connection. His own connection with Kairi pulses as she does the same, and they’re both struck with a sense of vertigo as the world around them shifts.

Riku opens his eyes, and finds himself in the Mysterious Tower. It seems to be just after a large meeting, as he spots himself glancing back towards Sora before leaving the room, following a number of the other Guardians of light, many of whom seem tense. Aqua in particular almost seems angry as she leaves, followed by a concerned Ventus and strangely enough, Isa. Neither Riku nor Kairi had known the man for long, them busy trying to find Sora and Isa trying to find Lea, but it’s clear this version of him is different from theirs, sporting burn scars and bowed shoulders that seem out of place on his previously proud countenance.

Riku wonders what could possibly have happened. Lea is conspicuously absent. Going through these memories backwards is going to be confusing, Riku thinks.

Sora crosses his arms with a huff, prompting the two remaining members in the room- Donald and Goofy- to look over to him sympathetically.

“I get she’s had things rough, but…” He pouts, and Riku can’t help but find it adorable despite Sora’s obviously genuine frustration.

“Well, sometimes these things take time, ya know?” Goofy says, the voice of reason. Donald huffs.

“Well, we ain’t got time. I don’t trust him either. Not as far as I can throw him.”

Sora’s frown grows.

“He’s not going to trust us if we don’t trust him first.” He says, the face of stubborn determination. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“Be careful.” Donald cautions, and Sora just waves him off as he leaves Yen Sid’s chamber. He moves through the winding stairways seemingly at random, Riku and Kairi following silently behind. Something seems to pull at Sora, and eventually he finds himself in some long disused part of the Tower that none of them have seen before, every corner of it coated in dust and shadows.

“Hey,” Sora calls out into the seemingly empty room, “Um.. I came to talk, if that’s okay?”

Silence, for a long moment, and then the shadows shift.

“I’m surprised they let you come alone.” Vanitas scoffs as his form coalesces. “Or did you not tell them where you were going?”

Kairi’s eyes narrow at the short, masked features of the boy.

“That’s not our Vani.” She says, and Riku agrees.

“No, that’s definitely the past Vanitas. How did…” He ponders, but doesn’t finish the thought.

“This would go a lot smoother if you didn’t try to pick a fight every time anyone says anything.” Sora’s frown is back, but this time it looks concerned. Vanitas laughs.

“Not my fault they’re so fun to rile up. And you.” Vanitas leans back against some forgotten stack of storage crates, a Flood emerges from his shadow just long enough for him to roughly kick it away, trying to shove it out of Sora’s sight. It skitters into some dark corner and vanishes.

“Look.” Sora takes a breath. “Aqua shouldn’t have said those things, and I’m gonna try and talk to her too, but… _Try_ not to rile her up? I know you guys have a history-”

“Ha!” Vanitas barks, cutting him off. “You could say that. Perfect Master Aqua, the Master’s _backup_. Like that would have ever worked. Feh.”

Sora waits a moment, chewing on his lip, trying to figure out what to say.

“Vanitas… Can I ask you why you’re helping us? For real, not what you said back at the factory.”

“Because the dark always lies, right?” Vanitas bites out the words like venom, and Sora shakes his head.

“No, it’s not that. You don’t have to tell me, I guess, I just.. I dunno. It’s a feeling I got.”

Vanitas stares at Sora- or seems to, through his impenetrable mask- for a long moment before pushing himself off the crates. He takes two steps, whirls, and then two steps back. He makes this short circuit three times as Sora (and Riku and Kairi) watch on until finally he whirls to face Sora again.

“It’s just a _feeling.”_ The boy repeats Sora’s words, stepping well into the others personal space. Sora leans back, uncomfortable but not willing to back down by stepping away. Riku bristles at this and is frustrated by his inability to do anything about it. Kairi’s hand on his wrist helps ground him a moment later.

“Y-yeah.” Sora nods. Vanitas tsks.

“I’m helping you for exactly the reasons I said.” Vanitas says. “Because _fuck_ the old man and _fuck_ his plans. I wanted out.”

He steps away, to Sora’s visible relief, and then turns his back on him. Sora stays silent, as if sensing Vanitas isn’t done.

There’s a long, long silence. Vanitas’ fists clench and unclench several times in quick succession.

“.... I didn’t-” Vanitas pauses, tsking again. “I figured I’d try something else, even if it doesn’t really matter. Sleeping forever sounds boring anyway, might as well stick it to the Master while I still can.”

Sora tilts his head, confused.

“What do you mean by sleeping forever?” He asks, and Vanitas laughs.

“You haven’t figured it out yet? Ventus must’ve taken all the brain cells when he left. _Me_ , idiot. If I’m from the past, where do you think the me of _now_ is?”

Sora blinks, obviously confused. Riku and Kairi glance at each other, gears turning.

“He doesn’t know?” Kairi murmurs. “About his heartmates?”

“Xion did say something about ours being the longest loop.” Riku says, contemplative. “We knew about Ven and Vani from when we were little so…”

“Sora must have done something.” Kairi nods.

“Which means in every other loop..” Riku casts his gaze over where Sora and Vanitas are talking. “He didn’t have his heartmates to help. He might not have even known they were there.”

“Weird.” Kairi says. Riku agrees. They can’t imagine a life where Ven and Vani hadn’t been right there with them every step of the way.

Meanwhile, Sora has put the pieces together.

“You tried to merge with Ven, and Ven came to me to sleep… Shouldn’t you be with Ven, then?”

“‘It’s just a feeling’.” Vanitas parrots the words once more. “Ventus is clearly not who we were before, which means the merge failed, and I guess sticking with you must have been easier.”

“Maybe..” Sora starts haltingly. “We could help him- you, too. Like how we’re trying to help Roxas-”

“Don’t bother.” Vanitas snorts. And Sora blinks, surprised.

“Why?”

“Because.” Vanitas feigns inspecting fingernails hidden beneath his bodysuit. “I don’t need any favours from you and if I haven’t come out on my own it means I’m probably just too damn broken still to survive it.”

“Broke- There has to be something we can do.” Sora protests. “I thought you said eternal sleep was boring anyway.”

“And?” Vanitas shrugs, and though they cannot see his face they can here the sneer that enters his voice. “Maybe I’m just lying in wait to steal your body for my own. You think you understand how broken I am because Ventus told you? You don’t know the _half_ of it. Like I said, I just wanted to stick it to the Master first before I went, since apparently it’s inevitable anyway.”

The memories continue, each difference like looking through a warped mirror to Riku and Kairi. The scene dissolves and they return to the empty dark.

 _“I’m surprised.”_ Ansem says, surprising Riku in turn.

“Surprised by what?” Riku asks.

_“The boy, Vanitas. So thoroughly shattered time and again and yet still finds the strength to attempt to defy fate at least once. It’s impressive, if foolish.”_

_“I wonder however,”_ Xemnas speaks, _“What is the point? He knows what he is destined for, regardless of his actions in this moment. Why bother denying destiny at all?”_

Riku looks to Kairi, absentmindedly signing what his heartmates are talking about as he tries to put words to his answer.

“Our actions matter.” He eventually settles on. “Both the big things and the little ones. Maybe the ones that have no point matter the most of all.”

“There’s a saying I heard, when I was still in school and Sora was asleep.” Kairi hums, thinking back. “Character is what we are in the dark. It’s a bit of a simplified concept, but.. There’s a little bit of truth to it, I think. Who we are on the inside shines most brightly when we don’t think anyone will know.”

Riku nods. Some things were only suitable for the dark to know. At least for a little while. He remembers Esmerelda’s words of guidance, and wishes he’d had them years before.

Kairi brings a hand to her chest, contemplative and sad.

“Sora did all this in the dark too. Trying to save us, again and again and… It broke him. He pushed himself to that point for all of us.” She says, voice brimming with emotion. Riku moves closer, an instinct to comfort at war with not knowing how.

“He did.” Riku says quietly. “We should have been there with him and we weren’t. That wasn’t anyone’s fault. None of us could have known what was really happening, but that just makes it more important that we’re here for him now. We’re going to save him, and we’re going to bring him home.”

Kairi looks up at him with unshed tears in her eyes, firms herself, and then nods with determination.

They can do this. They have to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something that r+k never really speak out loud over the course of this fic but are definitely trying to deal with is blame. it's an uncomfortable emotion and a complicated beast, especially here. they blame themselves, they blame each other, and they blame sora- _all_ of which they know isn't fair to any of them. they know the only real bad guy here was xehanort, but at the same time they wonder what they could have done- why didn't they do more? of course they're directing that energy into pulling sora home, but all of those feelings are still running under the surface. it's a unique sort of tension that i found interesting to try and write with these kids who are lifelong friends on the cusp of becoming partners.


	3. Mantra's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deeper, deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact the original conception of this fic was to go fucking _ham_ on seeing the Many AU's sora's lived through, and really letting myself stretch to see how many variations i could come up with, but in the end i just.. did not have the energy for that, so i just show a few of the most important ones. unfortunately the result of this is it makes it seem like R+K's journey was relatively short; it was not. sora did *hundreds* of loops, and r+k had to go through every single one of them in fast motion to reach him. as a writer that's my bad, but as a human being still struggling with my mental health and burnout, sacrifices had to be made.
> 
> all that said, merr critmas to those who enjoy it, happy candlenights to everyone else

Sora sinks.

He has only vague awareness of this. He has only vague awareness of _himself_. The further he sinks he feels the more he feels like he’s being cleansed, the water washing away memories and sense of self like caked and brittle muck. He feels numb, and it feels like relief.

He’s spent so long fighting for others, to help, to save. Somewhere along the line he had failed to fight for himself. He doesn’t remember how, but he supposes that it doesn’t really matter anymore anyway.

His eyes blink slowly, sleepily. Will he sleep here forever? That doesn’t sound so bad. He doesn’t want to go back to the fears and pressures and anxieties. He’s exhausted.

Something floats in his bleary vision, just enough to make even his lethargic self focus on it. It’s his necklace, the tiny silver crown that hangs around his neck dances softly as he continues his endless fall. Sora watches it for a while. It might be seconds. It might be days. It’s such a little thing, something he’s always had, for so long he didn’t really think much of it anymore.

And yet.. It brings him comfort now. Tiny chains clinking softly as he continues to drop.

Hadn’t Vanitas said… That’s right. Riku had given it to him. Long, long ago. A promise to protect.

Well. He’d tried. At the cost of his own life. And then Sora had mucked with that too, hadn’t he?

The necklace glints against a light that doesn’t exist this deep in the dark, drawing his attention once more. A light? Oh. It’s Kairi’s light, some shred of it still desperately hanging on despite so many drops and trials. He doesn’t understand why. Stars he misses them both, Kairi’s comfort and easy safety, Riku’s determination even against the impossible.

For just a second, he hopes they will brave the impossible again, Kairi and Riku, and come find him in this lost and lonely abyss, before he banishes the thought. Don’t hope. Don’t hope.

Sora closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to think about this anymore. If he does he’ll start missing them too much, and he doesn’t think he can take that. He didn’t deserve them before and he certainly doesn’t now. 

He continues to fall, and that tiny silver crown continues to glow with the barest remnants of a borrowed light.

-

Riku and Kairi descend to another layer, deeper still. They’re on that strange little Tower island floating in space, some alternate version of Sora and Kairi sitting on the front steps of the Mysterious Tower.

“You sure you’ll be okay?” Sora asks. “N-not that I’m doubting you, it’s just..”

“Come on Sora, I spent all those months training just for this.” Kairi teases.

“I know.” Sora scratches his cheek. “It’s just… I’ve got a bad feeling is all.”

“It’s going to be hard.” She acknowledges his fear, expression softening. “It’s okay to be worried. But Merlin did good, I promise. I can wield a keyblade just as good as the rest of you.”

Riku looks over to the Kairi by his side, who makes a soft, surprised noise.

“I had a keyblade?” She wonders, and it really is a strange concept to them, after their whole lives and the failed passing in the Tower of their own timeline.

“Of course!” Sora agrees with a grin. “Maybe after you can join me and Riku in sparring sometimes, make it a real battle royale.”

“A keyblade doesn’t just.. Go away.” Riku says, brow furrowed. “Ugh. This time stuff is confusing.”

“You can bet on it!” The Kairi of the past says, leaning forward on the step. “I’ll take you both on!”

“Y-Yeah!” Sora agrees, but the sudden flush on his cheeks betrays him.

“I’m confused too.” The Kairi next to Riku admits. “If I had a keyblade in these other lines, why did the passing not work in ours? Did I somehow become unworthy?”

“Oh no that’s not it at all.” Comes Chirithy’s voice, prompting both to look up, though the voice doesn’t come from anywhere in particular. “You were never _meant_ to be a keyblade wielder, but when someone or something changed your destiny a looooong time ago, and that was the next best thing it could achieve.”

“Someone changed my destiny?!” Kairi yelps. “How? When??”

“I don’t know.” Chirithy’s voice answers. “It changed back to how it should have been in _this_ timeline, so I guess Sora probably did something when he went back? I dunno who changed it in the first place though.”

“His heartmates, your destiny…” Riku murmurs. “Sora was busy that last drop.”

In front of them the Sora and Kairi sitting on the steps are interrupted by a familiar face.

“Excuse me,” Aqua asks politely. “Do you mind if I talk to Sora for a minute?”

“Not at all.” The memory Kairi stands, dusting off her skirt. “I’m gonna go check in on Roxas, see how he’s handling everything.”

Aqua settles in Kairi’s vacated seat, and takes a deep breath.

“So what’s up?” Sora asks. Despite his prod, she chews on her lip in uncertainty.

“I’m not sure where to start.” She admits. “It’s all.. very strange.”

“It’s pretty weird for me too.” Sora says. “Finding out I’ve had someone with me this whole time- longer than Roxas even, is a lot to take in.”

“Did you ever get the feeling…?” She asks, curious, and Sora shakes his head. 

“No, I had no idea. I guess I never really felt alone, but I didn’t really know any other way to be, so I never thought anything of it. And the dreams… well, those are just dreams, right?” He chuckles, the question rhetorical. 

“I wonder..” Aqua murmurs. “If he can hear me now. What he would say.”

“You’ll know for sure soon.” Sora asserts confidently. “As soon as we can get through that barrier you’ll both be right as rain.”

“Thank you Sora.” Aqua smiles.

“Happy to help.” He grins back. 

Riku and Kairi watch on, both their hearts aching at the genuine smile he sports, feeling as though it’s been an age since they’ve seen it. 

Aqua leans back against the steps, staring up at the stars. Sora joins her, apparently taking peace in this quiet moment. 

Aqua stifles a soft laugh, prompting Sora to look at her quizzically. 

“I just had a weird thought, don’t mind me.” She waves him off, but Sora is just how they remember him and won’t be dissuaded so easily. 

“Aw c'mon, tell me! I promise I won’t laugh.”

“Well,” she says, uncertain but smiling, “I wondered.. what might have happened, if you _had_ known he was there. If he could have, I don’t know, been awake somehow while he was safe with you.”

“Huh.” Sora true to his word does not laugh. His expression grows thoughtful. “I dunno.”

“Not that it matters.” Aqua waves it off. “Like I said, just a silly thought.”

“Nah I get it.” Sora assures, returning his gaze to the stars. “I wonder too.”

The memories continue as if on fast forward, and Riku and Kairi are grateful. Kairi isn’t sure how many times she can take watching everyone die. 

It’s a wonder that Sora lived it so many times, and still found the strength to keep going, memories or no. 

Riku’s face never changes as he watches his final sacrifice once more. It never does. She can only guess at what he’s thinking.

They drop further, returning to the inky darkness, and Kairi returns to an earlier thought. 

“If my destiny wasn’t to be a keyblade wielder then… what _is_ my destiny?” She asks. Riku looks over at her, obviously just as curious. Thankfully Chirithy’s voice rings out from the dark. 

“Oh I don’t know anything about that. Destiny is a funny thing that way, never really shows us exactly what it is until it’s already happened. Most of the time it’s not even really set in stone, just sort of the broad strokes of it, and in some extreme cases it can even be defied.”

“Is it even really Destiny then?” Riku asks, and the complicated philosophy of it all is already making Kairis head hurt. 

“It’s where Fate and free will meet.” Chirithy says. “Usually Destiny follows the lines of peoples wills, and thus the two are one in the same, but every now and again something changes things, and the answer is more complicated.”

“Ugh.” Kairi can’t help it. “Someday I’d like our lives to be a little _less_ complicated.”

Riku laughs. It’s a nice sound after all this.

“Me too.” He says. Chirithy makes a humming noise. 

“That does sound nice, huh?”

-

Vertigo, a new shift, a new memory. They’ve lost count of how many they’ve seen now. Riku looks around- San Fran Sokyo? There’s Sora, sitting on the edge of a building, looking across the street to where Riku and Kairi can see themselves looking through some open air storefront. Aqua approaches them, and the memories of them look tense as they talk, words too distant to hear.

Sora sighs deeply as he watches them, melancholy. Footsteps approach, and Riku turns to see Ven step closer, sitting next to Sora with a grunt.

“So..” Ven starts. Sora doesn’t answer, drawing his knees up and curling in on himself. “Bad fight huh? I heard the yelling.”

“It’s fine.” Sora mutters. Ven huffs.

“It is not. You guys never fight, which means it was serious. Come on, talk to me.”

“How do you know?” Sora grumps. “You might have been there, but you weren’t exactly watching.”

“In your heart?” Ven asks. “No, I guess not, but I still feel like I know you guys pretty well by now. Maybe that’s silly. What I _can_ tell you is I care about you, Sora, and if I can help I’d like to.”

“I dunno if you can.” Sora sighs. “But thanks.”

“Sure.” Ven allows, though it’s clear he wishes Sora had opened up to him more. They sit quietly, watching Aqua talk with Riku and Kairi below.

The Kairi of the now moves to sit next to Sora, on the other side of Ven. she peers at him sorrowfully, committing his features to a memory that already knows them. She raises a hand towards his cheek, close but not touching, like she’s afraid he’ll disappear if she does.

“Kairi…” Riku starts, but she shakes her head, hand dropping.

“I know.” She whispers.

“.... I know you love them.” Ven says quietly, but Sora reacts like he’d shouted, flinching back and blushing. He stutters adorably, and despite the somber air around them, Kairi almost laughs. Riku finds himself grinning too. It was so very Sora.

“Well yeah, of course. They’re my friends.” He diverts, but it is as obvious to them as it was to Ventus he knew exactly what Ven had meant.

“You know that’s- you _love_ them, Sora. I might not have been awake, but I dreamed sometimes. I don’t know why you try to hide it from them, but you can’t hide it from me.”

Sora looks away, a terrible liar in every timeline. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Ven sighs.

“You know they love you too, right? It’s obvious to anyone who looks.”

“As friends.” Sora adds, too quickly. Riku thinks Ven might be resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yeah okay, Sora.” He leans back against his palms, looking up into the dark sky, not a star to be seen drowned from the city lights below. “Whatever you say.”

They continue to sit in silence, Sora clearly chewing on his thoughts, and Kairi stands. Riku takes in her solemn face with concern. He would have thought she would be happy to know their feelings were reciprocated- or at least had been at some point during all this.

“You okay?” He asks, and she shakes her head.

“All these different variations… Is there not one where we were just happy together? Is that our destiny, to always end up torn apart and alone?”

“No.” Riku refutes. He refuses to believe that. “Our fate is our own. Maybe we messed up sometimes, but that doesn’t mean there’s no hope. And even if he doesn’t want us that way anymore… We’re still his friends. We still care and we’re still going to help him however we can.”

Kairi sniffs.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

The memories continue, the Graveyard, the Sacrifice. Kairi is among the last standing over Sora this time, standing tall and proud with Riku even as they can see her limbs tremble with inexperience and fear.

And like always, they fall.

“I’m so sick of seeing this.” Kairi spits as the vertigo takes them down again, a new loop. How many had they done now? Dozens? More? “Again and again- Sora had to do this so many times! It’s cruel! I hate it!”

The sorrow feels heavy in Riku’s heart. They can’t change what’s happened- not even Sora could erase the effects on himself even as he’d overwritten the events themselves. All he wants is to reach Sora soon, to pull him out of this miasma of heartbreak.

“I wish he’d trusted us.” Kairi starts to cry, and he reaches out to take her hands again, heart clenching at the sight of her tears. “Even if he didn’t understand why or how, I wish he’d come to us with how he was feeling.”

Riku says nothing, but tightens his grip on her hands. He wishes the same. He understands with painful clarity now how he’d hurt the both of them before, when he had pushed his own feelings away, first on the islands and then later after Sora had woken from his year in the memory pod. Stars how he wishes he could take all that back now.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. It’s all he can do now, in repayment to those he loves and has hurt. Sora isn’t here yet, but Kairi deserves that apology just as much, as many times as he can say it. Maybe more. Unlike Sora, he’d never gone back for her on the islands, too deep in his own grief and guilt to face her. “It’ll be okay. We’ll find him, and ring his ear for it, yeah?”

It’s a painfully thin attempt at lightening the mood, but it works at least a little bit by the watery chuckle Kairi gives, and so he’ll take it.

All he wants is to see them smile again, both of them.

 _“What would that have changed?”_ Xemnas asks from within, and Riku bites his tongue from a sharp answer only because he knows the question is genuinely curious. _“How he felt is not what led to this point, it was the repeated breaking of his soul in order to accomplish near impossible feats. There are no words that could have changed this.”_

Riku sighs. He draws back from Kairi a little as he draws his attention inwards.

“Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything if he had trusted us more, maybe trust had nothing to do with it at all.” He starts, slowly chewing on his words. “But it would have meant something to _us_ , Xemnas. It would have changed how we’re feeling now, and that matters too.”

_“I do not understand.”_

“No one in the Organization trusted each other, did they?” Kairi asks, valiantly picking up on the context clues. “Just from how I’ve heard Roxas and Xion talk.. It was a place of necessity, not trust.”

 _“She is correct.”_ Xemnas confirms. “ _Our goal was absolute, and all else was secondary.”_

Riku nods, translating his confirmation for her.

“But what did that lead to?” Kairi continues. “One by one your group failed, and again in the true Organization. Meanwhile we only gained, because we trusted each other, we cared about each other and had each other's backs. Even Sora… he drew away because he didn’t feel like he could talk to us, and I can’t help but feel like that didn’t help what he was already dealing with.”

Xemnas hums, a drawn out noise as he considers this.

 _“Perhaps_.” He says eventually, and Riku figures it’s probably as good as they’re going to get.

The memories are starting to gain a wispy feeling to them as they drop further, becoming ephemeral and dreamlike. He makes sure to hold Kairi’s hand tightly, and feels her grip back just as hard. They can both feel the increasing pressure, like they’re nearing a threshold that cannot be uncrossed once they reach it. Neither wants to risk losing the other, even despite their forged connections.

The next layer of memories begins again, and it’s quickly apparent what the difference is this time as they play out, moving past yet another failed attempt to reach Aqua.

“Weird.” Riku murmurs, and Kairi nods.

“You still have Way to Dawn. In every other layer it broke in the Realm of Darkness. Why is that different?”

“Because this is the first layer.” Comes Chirithy’s voice, soft and distant now but still clear, and both Riku and Kairi’s hearts lift even as that answers nothing.

“The first?” Kairi asks. “Then we’re almost there!”

“Mmmh not really. You’ve reached the threshold of memories, the things buried in Sora’s heart that he cannot remember, but there’s other layers here, made of dreams and bonds.”

“Well.. It’s still progress.” Riku clutches at Kairi’s palm, hoping to bring her comfort. “But.. Why did Way to Dawn break in every timeline except this one? Why does the Graveyard play out almost the same way every time?”

“It’s a lynchpin event.” Chirithy explains. “Most are made by fate, and they’re very rare, but this one is unique, because _you_ made it. In that first timeline, when you sacrificed yourself for Sora, you created a new event just with the strength of your belief. You believed Sora could not fall with every part of your being, and that enabled him to make that first jump- back to when you were searching for Aqua.”

“Which is when my keyblade always breaks.” Riku’s brow furrow in thought, and then raise in realisation. “My keyblade breaks because it’s recognizing that I died, even though I’m still alive?”

“Basically.” Chirithy confirms.

“Why only Riku though?” Kairi wonders. “All of us died… A lot.”

“It’s.. kinda complicated.” Chirithy admits. “It has to do with how Riku is connected to Sora through his dream eater bond, how that connection was broken and re-tied with each jump, making both hearts and keyblades believe that Riku had died, even though that was in a separate timeline. If your connection to him hadn’t been warped like it had you probably would have felt it too, Kairi.”

Kairi opens her mouth and then shuts it again, and Riku remembers that brief moment before that final encounter where she’d had a strange feeling.. Which they had later learned had been directly after Sora’s final and shortest jump.

But.. There was no connection between them yet, that should be impossible, right?

“You keep saying that, like we’re already connected, but _what connection_?” Kairi asks exactly what Riku’s thinking, frustrated. It wasn’t the still incomplete Chirithy bond, and it wasn’t the paopu… So what was it?

“I can’t tell you that, mostly because I don’t know.” Chirithy says. “I only see what I see, I don’t know what caused it, or what caused it to be strangled and inert in every other timeline.”

Riku glances to Kairi, and pulls her closer as he sees the frustrated tears glimmer in her eyes. She closes them, forcing the tears back as she breathes hard through her nose. He can only imagine, being told about this connection almost too late to be able to do anything helpful with it. It must hurt. His heart aches for her.

The sacrifice plays out before them once more, this time with Way to Dawn in memory Riku’s hands. The sound of glass shattering echoes across the empty space as it breaks loudly in a way it hasn’t before. Riku takes a deep breath and then everything goes dark.

“I don’t know how much farther I can follow you. You're a long ways down and it’s too dark.” Chirithy warns, voice growing dimmer as vertigo takes them deeper once more. “Be careful.”

Riku nods, filled with determination, and a glance over to Kairi confirms her own hard expression. They can’t stop now. He feels Kairi’s grip on his hand tighten for a moment.

“We will.” She says. “This realm isn’t allowed to have us, and it’s not allowed to have Sora either.”

Riku purses his lips, and despite his determination, he worries.

“Kairi, if I-”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I won’t let you turn into a Nightmare and you won’t let my light go out. That’s a promise.”

The words claw at his throat, begging to be released, but they stick there unable to go further. He’s not like her. He can’t say it until _everyone_ is there to hear it. Still, he’s grateful she’s not like him, taking a selfish comfort in knowing her feelings as they dive deeper. The dark grows ever deeper around them, ever more consuming, and his own dark responds happily.

His dark is not evil, not any more than Kairi’s light, but there’s too much here. Too much of anything has a tendency to draw out the worst and Riku is wary of it.

Around them images fuzz in and out of existence, people and places they recognize- and some they don’t. Creatures and heartless flit through the shadows, dream eater spirits Riku sometimes might think be real and not just manifestations of memories popping in and out of the corners of his vision. They don’t respond to his call though, so he doesn’t force the matter.

Not yet, anyway.

They keep going, and eventually it’s clear they’re just floating in the miasma of dreams, and not progressing like they’d hoped.

“Why aren’t we dropping?” Kairi asks. “Chirithy?”

No answer. They were on their own then. Riku hums, closing his eyes.

He tries to follow his link to Sora, but though it tugs him downward, still ever so faintly humming with life, it provides him no direction beyond that. Nothing actually helpful. He represses a frustrated sigh and shakes his head.

“I still can’t reach Sora.” He responds, and opens his eyes to see Kairi chewing on her lip, thoughtful. “Got any ideas?”

“Maybe. It’s kind of a long shot.”

“Go for it.” He affirms. It can’t hurt at any rate. She raises her free hand to cup her mouth.

“Soraaaaaaaaa!” She shouts, as long and hard as she can, tensing more as she draws out his name. “Sora! We’re here!”

For some reason it makes Riku smile, and maybe it’s a little naive, but sometimes the most effective solutions were the simplest ones after all. He raises his own hand and takes a deep breath.

“Sooooora!” He adds to her call. He wonders if Sora will hear them, hear the longing in his voice. In hers. “Sora, where are you?”

The silence echoes back. Kairi sighs.

“Well, I did say it was a long shot. I do have one other idea, but it might take a second.”

“I’m still fresh out, so... Do it.” Riku nods, and Kairi closes her eyes.

-

Kairi closes her eyes, and reaches out for a connection as near and dear to her as her own heart.

 _“Are you there?”_ She calls, and it takes a moment, but eventually, someone answers.

 _“I’m here.”_ Naminé’s answer is quiet, as if over a great distance. _“What do you need?”_

 _“We’re stuck.”_ Kairi says. _“We’ve made it through Sora’s memories of the past timelines, but there’s another layer of dreams, of… something else. We can’t get through.”_

_“Riku can’t do it?”_

_“No.”_ Kairi is sure if he could he would have. Being a dream eater- even being Sora’s specific Dream Eater, did not automatically grant him access here apparently.

_“Give me a second- don’t let go. You’re very far.”_

Kairi knows. She holds on to their connection with all the strength her trials have taught her.

Light coalesces in front of them, bright enough Kairi can see it through her closed lids, and as she opens them she sees two figures flash to life.

 _“We’re here.”_ Naminé says, and next to her Xion nods with determination.

_“What can we do?”_

“We’re going in circles.” Riku supplies. “Somewhere between dreams and memories.”

“We need to get past it. Sora’s down there somewhere.”

Naminé nods, and turns to Xion.

_“I think- Here. Feel that?”_

Xion takes a deep breath, concentrating, and then nods in return.

 _“Yeah. Something keeps getting in the way- fuzzing the connection. There, you see how it’s-?”_ They point, and though Riku and Kairi look they see nothing. Naminé seems to understand though.

 _“I can’t see what’s beyond this layer, but I do know that Sora is past it._ ” Naminé says. _“Here, if we just-”_

The move in sync, and a beam of light erupts from Naminé and Xion. It shoots quickly into the depths, jagging in a quick circle, and then vanishing into the deep. It stays lit, attached to their joined forms. Riku erupts into a bright smile, and Kairi feels hope once more. She turns to Naminé and Xion.

“Thank you.” She says, putting all the emotion she can into it. Naminé nods.

 _“We’ll hold it as long as we can, but I don’t think we can follow any further.”_ She warns.

 _“There’s still something there, trying to m--- the---- go out.”_ Xion says, voice distorting as their connection starts to lose hold.

 _“Go!”_ Naminé calls, image starting to fuzz. _“Go, we’ll ho---- as---- we can!”_

Riku and Kairi need no more prompting, sparing only a nod of thanks as they turn to dive, following the bright little beam of light down as quickly as they can. Naminé and Xion disappear into the smog of dreams within only moments as they fall.

They follow the light, and hope it will bring them to Sora quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im just gonna say now.. last week's khux update decanonized a lot of stuff i had planned for this au lol- which i knew was going to happen! that's just sort of how it goes once you run out of canon and start making up your own stuff, but alas. writing certain parts later is gonna feel kinda weird now lol


	4. Mindfulness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * pats sora's head * this boy can fit so many past lives and trauma in him
> 
> also happy gregorian calendar new year. god willing 2021 won't suck quite so much.

Sora drifts. It’s quiet here, nothing to disturb him as he sleeps, and he’s grateful. He doesn’t think he’s falling anymore, but that awareness is distant at best. The dark holds him like the comfort of a blanket on a cold night.

_“... oraaaa…”_

It’s so quiet, that little sound, but it makes his heart ache for it. It makes him think of home, of tiny ship beds crammed together and bodies sprawled across too-small spaces, and the comfort of an ear always ready to listen.

_“... Sooooora…!”_

Still quiet, a second voice, and invokes just as much yearning as the first. He thinks of forgiveness, of tireless dedication through trials and battles both within and without, of the strength of a belief so strong it could bend the universe itself.

“Sounds like they’re getting closer.”

This voice was new. It makes Sora think of nothing at all, except perhaps confusion.

“W… wh…” His mouth barely moves, and the words remain trapped. He’s still so very tired.

“Sh sh, it’s okay, don’t stress yourself. I didn’t think you were awake actually. Stars know I’m not supposed to be, but I don’t think any of this really went to plan.” Sora tries so hard to open his eyes, try to see this mystery person, but it’s hard. He catches only the hint of a red scarf. His mind is too muddled to make the connection.

“Heh, still stubborn huh? Ven always did have good taste in friends.”

Ven…? He knows Ven. Has known him his whole life. Yet another loss his heart regrets.

“They always seem to get used against him somehow, poor kid.”

Among which Sora was the latest. The guilt that brings makes his heart stutter, and for a brief moment he almost feels awake.

“No no! It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s okay. Rest. It’s okay.”

He slips back into that half-awareness, but the guilt does not subside. The voice sighs.

“I guess I shouldn’t call him kid though, huh? I was only a few years older than him before and now.. Well. I wake up and find the world’s moved on without me. I knew it would happen, but it’s different, seeing it yourself, you know? Even if it was only for a moment.”

Sora feels like he does, though he’s not sure why.

“Who are you…?” He murmurs, that innate curiosity finally finding its way through the fog of his sleep. The voice chuckles.

“My name is Ephemera. I’m an old friend of Ven’s.”

-

Riku and Kairi follow the little beam of light as quickly as their dive allows them to. It swerves to and fro seemingly at random, causing them to move jaggedly as they try to keep up. They can’t lose it, and thankfully it seems to work as the dreams around them shift and fade, becoming something new once more.

The light they follow flickers ominously, flitting in and out of existence before disappearing entirely. They’re on their own again, but with the barrier past they feel confident once more in their ability to continue. They fall and fall and fall, and no more are they surrounded by darkness. Bright blue sky and wispy clouds gather around them as they drop in what feels like a seemingly endless moment. For a second Kairi wonders if they’ve somehow made a full circle back to the surface of the Final World, but no sooner does the thought pass through her mind does land appear below them, and they drop gently onto soft grass.

It’s not a world she recognises, and judging by Riku’s face as he glances around not one he does either. It seems peaceful, scattered trees across rocky precipices, a mountaintop perhaps? Dark clouds gather on the horizon, warning of a future storm, but at a distance. And most significant of all perhaps-

“Kingdom Hearts.” Riku murmurs, looking up into that great moon in the sky. Kairi sees it too, and though it makes her heart lurch with all the awful history they have with it, somehow it doesn’t seem so ominous here. It’s… Quiet.

“Listen to what?” Riku says, and Kairi figures either Ansem or Xemnas had noticed something, and then- “Oh.”

There’s a whistling coming from nearby, barely audible at their distance, but there’s definitely someone singing to themselves around the bend.

They follow it, curious and wondering what memory or dream this could be, and when they turn the bend there’s Sora, sitting in a small glade, a nearly finished crown of flowers in his hands. He continues to hum, unaware of them.

Kairi squints at the tableau.

“I don’t think that’s our Sora.” She says, and Riku nods. It’s obviously Sora before them, but he’s different somehow. His eyes are brown, he’s wearing an outfit none of them have seen before, and he seems much older. Well into adulthood. Still, he’s wearing that little silver crown necklace he never takes off, ever so familiar even here.

“An ancestor?” Riku suggests, but he sounds doubtful. He was the one who had given Sora that necklace so many years ago after all. Why would their path bring them here? What was it showing them? An alternate universe entirely? The future somehow? He can’t begin to guess.

Light bursts in the clearing, but though it makes Riku and Kairi cover their eyes, Sora doesn’t so much as flinch, looking up with a grin so bright as to nearly match it.

“You came!” Sora calls, filled with excitement. Out of the light steps a being Kairi could hardly begin to describe, glowing brightly even as deep shadows trail in its wake. As it steps closer the light dims, becoming more solid and forming something that looks more like a person with every passing moment.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” The being speaks, coalescing into a starkly human shape now as they sit next to Sora, though they still seem to glow faintly despite it. Sora shakes his head.

“No, I knew you would come like you said, I’m just happy to see you.”

“Oh for- I told you to stop doing that, my Light!” A new voice interrupts, and Riku and Kairi turn to face a third figure forming as if from glittering starlight. Red hair and freckles dot her skin, peeking through gold armour that they know both know well. “You know I can’t keep up if you don’t tell me where you’re going first!”

“It’s you.” Riku says faintly, staring at the three with wide eyes. The being of light is nearly too bright to discern any features, even dimmed as they are, but the third figure is unmistakably Kairi- though one who looks as though she’d spent her whole life training and fighting, rather than a few scant years. Kairi still isn’t sure exactly what they’re watching, but something about the scene seems almost familiar...

The being of Light pouts, and Sora tries to smother a giggle.

“I could not stay another moment, I hate those pretentious meetings. So many problems to fix, and yet they talk themselves in circles. Meanwhile I can’t even do anything at these meetings, I’m only there so they feel important. Besides,” They turn towards Sora. “I knew there was someone waiting for us.”

“Well, thankfully I have just the thing to make everything better.” Sora announces, tying off the last stem in the crown he was creating. “C’mere you two.”

“You first, my Paladin.” The Light gestures her over. “Since I have inconvenienced you so.”

“It’s like that old story… My grandmother used to tell me…” Kairi whispers. “The Light, the Paladin, and the Boy….”

Riku’s gaze doesn’t leave the scene playing out before them, where the Paladin kneels to accept her new headwear with a smile, but Kairi feels him tense beside her. She struggles to remember the details of that old, old story, though she’s not even sure why. It’s just a story… right?

“Storm tonight.” The Light warns as Sora picks up a second crown carefully. “I know you love them, but you should stay inside this time.”

“Aw, you worried about me?” Sora teases, placing the crown gently on the being’s head. The flowers seem almost dull in comparison, though they try their hardest. “Careful, someone might think you’re playing favourites.”

“Perish the thought.” The Light’s voice grows sultry as they lean forward to kiss Sora. Sora just laughs, flushed by the attention. The Paladin sits next to him.

“Oh yes, can’t have that.” She joins in teasing. “Whatever shall we do, my Light?”

“We will simply have to keep him with us for all eternity, obviously.” The Light decrees, their tone still joking but with an undercurrent of meaning. The Paladin nods.

“A sound plan, my liege.”

Sora grows still, his giggles fading with his smile, and both Riku and Kairi recognise this expression. Self doubt. He recovers before his companions can see it though.

“Aw you guys wouldn’t want me around forever anyway. Trust me, I’d annoy you to death before the century is out.”

“Never.” The Paladin whispers, pressing her kisses to his cheeks and lips.

“Never.” The Light agrees, pressing in their own gentle affections from the other side.

Riku and Kairi turn away, awkward and a little sad. They feel like they’re intruding, and Kairi in particular thinks she might know how this story goes. In doing so however they see what the visions of the past do not, someone dressed in an all too familiar black coat, watching from the shadows of a copse of trees.

The man pauses, and for a moment Kairi is sure he’s looking directly at them, before he moves away and then vanishes down the cliff.

The scene shifts, much like the memories from before had, bringing them to a new time and place. They’re in a building now, simple in design but still grand in scope. There’s no one around.

“Kairi..” Riku sounds more hesitant than she’s heard from him in a while. “How did that story, the one your grandmother told you, end?”

She doesn’t want to say.

“The boy dies.”

Riku makes a strangled, choking noise, the hand held in hers grows painfully tight.

“And the other two?”

“Follow him, trying to bring him back. They disappear, and no one ever sees them again.”

Riku shakes his head, and then he laughs, the sound bitter against the open air.

“I can’t tell if that’s our past or future anymore.”

“Well, who says it can’t be both?” A new voice speaks, and Riku and Kairi both whirl, separating and weapons flashing to life in their hands. No one else should be here, besides them and Sora now. It’s the man from before, in the black coat- or at least she thinks it is. At the very least he has the same height and build.

“Who are you?” Riku demands. “How are you here?”

“Mmmm, I’m not, not really.” The man shrugs, turning to start a slow, leisurely walk in a loose circle around them. “I’m like a manifestation, you could say. A guide.”

“A guide?” Riku’s eyes narrow, still distrustful, and Kairi agrees. Something about this person sets her teeth on edge.

“Sure!” The man says brightly. “You want to know who you are, right? What’s happening here? I can help with that.”

Kairi can’t help but feel tempted, but Riku shakes his head.

“No, whatever happened before, we’re here to find Sora.”

“What if- and hear me out here- those answers can lead you to your lost loverboy?” They can’t see his face but his tone is edging just shy of a lear, and Kairi hates it but…

“... How?” 

“Simple!” The man straightens, tone bright again. “You find out who you are, that leads to the bond between you, you follow that bond to him.”

“What’s the catch?” Kairi knows there has to be one, something about this just feels off somehow.

“Ahh that’s the thing, isn’t it? You might not want to.”

Kairi’s heart seizes in her chest, and Riku’s breath stutters.

“That’s not true.” It’s not. She won’t believe it. “We are going to find Sora, and we’re going to bring him home.”

The man shrugs.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He snaps his fingers, and the scene shifts. Still in the same building, but now it is teeming with people. At the center stands the Light and the Paladin, patient and kind as they greet guests. Outside grows dark as a storm starts to blow in, and the Light’s gaze is repeatedly drawn to the windows that start to rattle against the rain and wind.

The Paladin notices, of course, but holds her tongue as the figure in the black coat approaches.

“A fine evening for a gathering, oh Light.”

The Light nods, though Riku and Kairi note it has a distinct feel of distaste, though the black coat seems not to notice.

“Master of Masters. A good night to stay in, yes. Your pupils fare well?”

“As always, they are wonderful students. Luxu especially has made me proud of late, you should see how they wield their magic these days!”

“I would be happy to bear witness to our future Masters, as always.” The Light replies magnanimously, though their gaze goes once again to the windows as a particularly strong gust rattles them. “Luxu has proven exceptional among your students for some time now, I’m sure they are happy to have such distinction.”

“Of course. You should know they look up to you a great deal. I believe they wish to be one of your protectors some day, though I’m sure it is simply a dream. You are well covered in that area already after all.” The Master tilts his hooded head meaningfully towards were the Paladin stands stiffly at attention, just barely managing to not glare. The Master turns back to the Light, who’s attention has once more wandered to the storm outside. “You seem distracted, my liege. Is time drawing near for you to return ‘home’ again?” He gestures vaguely upward, toward where the great moon of Kingdom Hearts still rests above the stormy clouds.

“No, not as yet.” The Light shakes their head. “I can maintain form on this plane for some time yet. I am simply thinking.”

“Of what, may I inquire?”

“You may not.” The Paladin interrupts, and Kairi thinks she might be only barely holding back a scowl. “The Light’s thoughts are not for you to know.”

“Ah of course, forgive my misstep.” The Master bows deeply, though his tone doesn’t lose it’s particular levity. “If you’ll excuse me, I must see to my apprentices.”

He departs, and true to Kairi’s suspicion the Paladin’s face breaks into a more definitive scowl.

“I don’t like him.”

“Hm.” The Light grunts, gaze drifting to the windows again. The Paladin notices of course.

“Worried about our love?” She asks, keeping her voice quite to avoid being overheard. The Light nods.

“All my power and yet I must play these trifling games or everyone here would cause an uproar.” They grumble. “I would much rather be..” They stop before they can say the words, glowing gaze darting around to make sure no one has heard their yearning. They tsk in annoyance. “Sometimes I regret ever entering this plane, but then I wouldn’t have you _or_ him, and that thought doesn’t bear contemplating.”

The Paladin chuckles, a note that sounds distinctly Kairi despite being just a touch deeper.

“Not at all.” She glances aside again and then leans in close. Her whisper is so quiet that Riku and Kairi are sure they only hear it because the dream wants them to. “Do you wish me to check on him?”

“Yes.” The answer is prompt, with no hesitation. “I have a bad feeling. I will be fine for a few minutes, as I was in the millenia before you joined me.”

It went without saying that when something akin to a god has a bad feeling, it was best to listen.

The Paladin’s face grows even more serious and she nods, gripping the Light’s hand tightly as she pulls away. They grip back tightly for a moment before they release.

“If anyone asks, tell them I am simply hiding in the shadows.”

“As if any shadows could hide your brilliance.” The Light quirks a grin. “Be safe, My Paladin.”

She nods, and then vanishes into glittering stardust. None of the other guests appear to take notice aside perhaps a glance.

The Light settles in to wait, tense.

The scene shifts, and Riku and Kairi find themselves in darkness once again. They glance around, wary, blades in hand.

“I’m sure you can guess what happened next.”

They whip their heads around, finding the man in the black coat, almost invisible against the darkness. Riku frowns. Neither of them answer.

“That poor boy died, and let me tell you, it is just not good when someone with that much power falls into the throes of grief.”

“How did he die?” Kairi asks, voice hard. She stares down the man with an intensity in her expression hot enough to melt steel. The man shrugs, unphased.

“Does it matter?”

“I think it does.” She snaps back. “Because I’m betting _you_ had something to do with it.”

“Such assumptions!” The man reels back in faux hurt. “But the truth is I didn’t need to. Humans are such fragile creatures, even favoured by the Light as they are. It just takes one moment of distraction, a little slip, and then.. Whoops, bye bye loverboy.”

Riku grits his teeth so hard Kairi can hear the grinding. She’s not much better. No one should talk that way about someone’s death, let alone one as important to them as Sora. The man continues, heedless of their building fury.

“The Light danced around that mortality once, with that whole uplifting the Paladin business, but she had always been extraordinary among humans. Taking her on as a sort of insurance just made sense. That boy on the other hand… was only ever going to be a _complication_.”

He snaps his fingers again, and the scene shifts, throwing them into one of chaos and destruction. The heart shaped moon above glows ominously, no longer gentle in its light, instead pouring waves of darkness like purple tears from its form. The ground shifts as if trying to slowly tear itself apart.

Kairi stumbles, steadied by Riku’s hand and they try to get their bearings. The man is gone, but there’s a path forward, cracked and broken though it is. The ground shifts again.

“Come on!” Riku tugs her arm and she nods. Only one way to go. They follow the path, and it’s not long before they see the reflective glow of something ahead, they break into a run, stumbling to a stop at the edge of a ruined clearing.

In the center sits the Light, who’s glow flickers and sparks. Their shadows which had before trailed beneath them languidly now roil and snap angrily, rising from the ground like a storm. With them is the Paladin, who clutches at their shoulders with pain writ on her face, her own golden glow clashing hard against the shadows clinging to the Light.

“I can’t- I can’t-” The Light gasps, and the Paladin holds tighter.

“You must.” She whispers. “Please my light.”

“Divest me from it!” They howl. “What use is it? There is not even revenge to be taken! We’ve lost him, and one day I will lose you too, and what then? What then?!”

The Paladin clutches at their shoulders tighter, lost for words.

“What is the point of an eternity without him? Without you? I don’t want it. I cannot regret having met you, but..” The Light shudders, wracked with grief, and the world shudders with them.

The Paladin bites her lip, she pulls away from the Light only just enough to reach into her pocket, pulling out the simple necklace Sora had worn before.

“You know your power better than me, but… I have an idea.”

The rumbling slows, ever so slightly, as he lifts his head to meet her gaze.

“The connection..” The Light whispers, and the Paladin nods.

“It will only work if he has not yet left the Final World, so we must move quickly. And… The cost..”

“Everything we know, all our power.” The Light confirms. “I care not, I will gladly take a mortal life if it has you both in it, but I will not pull you into this without your wish.”

“I wish it.” She says, tipping to press her forehead to theirs. “I wish it with all my heart.”

“Then let the world belong to its people.” The Light whispers. “As it should have been from the beginning. I will guide it no more, all I wish… is to protect you both, to keep you both near my side.”

“As we in turn will protect you.” The Paladin returns. She lifts the little necklace, glowing brightly. The Light raises a hand, still alternating between his own powerful glow and the dripping darkness of grief, and he grasps her hand, pressing the little bit of metal between them tightly.

The world whites out, and for Riku and Kairi it stays that way. They blink owlishly at the empty expanse.

 _“How ironic.”_ Ansem murmurs. _“All our searching for Kingdom Hearts, and its heart was beneath our very noses.”_

“I- I’m not the Light.” Riku refutes, but even he can see the implication forming. “Even if all this is true, that’s not who I am anymore.”

 _“And yet glimmers of its power still rest within you both, as we are beginning to recognize.”_ Xemnas points out. _“This is it’s own irony. We as the forces of darkness sought the world's destruction, and yet the Light did it entirely by accident. Which is worse, do you think?”_

Riku thinks back to those awful years, drawing away from Sora and Kairi in his hurt and jealousy, thinking they were leaving him behind and listening to Maleficent, throwing world after world to the dark himself… He doesn’t think that really counts as accidental.

“Sucks, being abandoned.” They whirl, and there’s the man in black once more, this time standing out starkly against the white. “Still, I did my best with what I had. Their little stunt completely shattered the world, left it in the state it’s in now- many separate worlds, divided by the lanes between. Silent and unknowing. Had no idea what happened to them for ages, though reincarnation was definitely one of my guesses. Good thing I was right.”

He starts a brisk walk, pacing around the two, forcing them to turn in order to stay facing him.

“And all that light left behind! The smallest bits became lux.” He shakes his head. “The larger fragmented bits tried to seek out those worthy of holding them, a subconscious thing I’m assuming, since you were off being reborn or whatever. Seven princesses of light. The biggest bits anyway- the smaller ones went on to those who would later become keyblade wielders. The darkness was less picky, went to whoever wanted it, plus it liked to spawn more which made it quite the problem after a while. A tendency toward thirteen too... Ah, but you know all this, yes?”

He turns on his heel to face them again, making both tense, ready for an attack. He tsks condescendingly.

“Sooooo I started to round them up. But there were parts of the Light that simply.. Vanished from my sight. And I couldn’t let that fall into the wrong hands, after all we _just_ saw what can happen when emotion runs that particular show, so I set my dear Ava to try and find those lucky individuals who had inherited them, making her own little union within the unions.”

Riku’s mouth settles into a grim line.

“You took all that light, didn’t you?” He asks. The man laughs.

“I have found a piece or two, yes. Once I discovered the fundamentals of time travel I found even more. There were some detours along the way- even _I_ have a hard time changing fate after all- so I gathered and I gathered.. But there were some I just could never find. Ava did wonderfully, before she cottoned on to my plans and threw them all into a sub dimension- yada yada, side story stuff I won’t get into it. I still got most of those wayward little lights one way or another, with. A few. Tiny. Exceptions.”

“...Who?” Kairi is almost afraid to ask. What does this have to do with Sora?

“Ain’t that the question?” The man’s smirk is evident in his voice, and then in the space of a blink he’s gone as if he was never there.

Riku lets out a shaky breath as the long held tension in him releases, and Kairi does much the same, feeling like she’s run a marathon with how jelly limbed she suddenly feels. She glances up at Riku. He’s looking out into the middle distance, brow furrowed in thought.

“He mentioned unions…. Ven?” He mutters. Kairi bites her lip.

“Ven did say something about that from the memories he and Vani were uncovering.” She says. Somehow it doesn’t feel right though, and she’s not sure why. She shakes her head. They don’t have enough information.

“Come on, we can figure it out later.”

“Yeah.” Riku nods. “Let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MoM is... interesting to write. Chaotic bastard. Has absolutely no compunction about lying, sometimes even to himself.
> 
> 'the light is nonbinary but riku isnt? how does that work?' the light is basically a primordial being that took roughly human form from time to time, and lies outside those boxes entirely. riku is comfortable in being male, but i also don't think he's thought about it that much. might look into that later, might not, haven't decided yet (luxu on the other hand i have decided is high key genderfluid and yes that extends to the present day)
> 
> 'how did the necklace follow them after reincarnation?' mmmmmmagic. it's like their anchor point, which they used to draw their lover back out of the final world. Of course then they had to _find_ him, without any memories or guaruntee they would all be on the same world. basically i took the necklace theory and then put it on steroids.
> 
> 'ephemera?!' yeah, i've done some intersting things with the khux kids i think. if you thought sora was a matryoshka doll _before_... well, you'll see.
> 
> 'side story stuff i won't get into it' okay, MoM's not gonna but trust me i have in fact figured out how khux ended in this verse, at least in the broad strokes. there is one moment in particular i _really_ want to write but i don't know if i'll ever get the chance in the main story. it involves MoM, skuld, and some very soft fleshy bits getting hit very hard.


	5. Deep Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost there, just a couple roadblocks left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halfway considered delaying this chapter after the events of last night, bc god i'm exhausted and im betting most of you are too. but then i figured fuck it, 2020 was a shitshow and 2021 looks like it's going to be more of the same, so might as well get what enjoyment we can.
> 
> in story related comments, i really hope xemnas and ansem's character arcs felt natural enough. it was another one of those things that i wanted to have stretched over that long memory journey, but had to fast track it when that got cut. plus ansem especially likes to fight me every step of the way in this story, istg the man isn't happy with anything.

The next drop is a long one, but their hope and determination doesn’t waver as they sink through the endless white expanse, which slowly started to turn gray and then deeper back into darkness once more.

Riku can feel Ansem’s discontent long before he speaks, and he finds himself tensing in preparation. He is not disappointed when eventually the man speaks.

_“All this for a simple boy?”_

Riku scowls.

“Yes.” He answers shortly. Kairi glances at him but he shakes his head. Bad enough he has to have this conversation, he doesn’t want to drag her in as well. She frowns but he’s distracted by Ansem again before they can continue.

_“The boy proved he was weak, why all this to save someone who could not even save himself?”_

Riku feels his anger boil but he shoves it aside and tries to answer as calmly as he can.

“Because people have more worth than just their strength. They loved him, just like we... Even if Sora had never managed to save anyone else, he would still be worth saving. Because just his presence, his health, matters to us.”

 _“Hm.”_ Is the non-committal answer. Riku let’s his anger flash hot for a bare second.

“You couldn’t save yourself either. Does that mean I should have let _you_ die?”

_“Yes.”_

Riku’s breath hitches at the unexpectedly blunt answer, and he drifts for a moment, the dark clawing under his skin, before Kairi’s arm flashes out to drag him back to her by his jacket. He nods in thanks, shaky.

He doesn’t know how to answer that besides a simple-

“You’re wrong.”

The silence drags on.

_“Perhaps.”_

_“Does this not disprove your point before?”_ Xemnas speaks now. _“Those three did have the trust and love you so crave, and yet they were still brought to ruin by that very love.”_

Riku takes a deep breath, trying to center himself. He reaches blindly for Kairi’s hand and finds it, grateful for her presence.

“Yeah. But love also brought them joy, happiness, a wish to protect each other. And… Sometimes we fail. It happens and it hurts, but we have to keep trying, because that happiness, even when it’s fleeting, is what makes life worth living.”

_“That sounds… painful.”_

“It can be.” Riku admits. His grip on Kairi’s hand tightens. Stars know they were well acquainted with that kind of pain. “But it’s worth it, to have that time with them.”

Xemnas retreats, and Riku’s head falls quiet once more. He releases his breath in a gust. He feels Kairi nudge herself a little closer, and he takes comfort in it.

“They being rude again?” She asks, when it’s apparent his conversation is done. He tilts his head in a so-so kind of manner.

“Mostly just… cynical I guess. And a little naive, funnily enough.”

 _“I would prefer rude.”_ Ansem grumps, but Riku doesn’t deign to react.

The empty space is nearly dark again, and Riku hears Kairi gasp, reaching out and pointing below them with urgency.

“Look!” She says, excitement making her voice shake. Riku looks, and there like a pinprick in the distance is a tiny blue glow that echoes with a warmth Riku wasn’t totally sure he would ever feel again.

Sora’s heartstation.

“We’re almost there!” Excitement and relief swell in Riku almost tangibly, lifting his spirits. How long had they been here, loop after loop, drop after drop? There was no way of knowing, but the relief of knowing it was almost over is almost too much to bear.

They draw closer and closer, and it grows large beneath them. They turn as they draw close, and their feet land gently on the smooth glass of the unmoored station that continues to glow softly beneath them. It appears empty at first.

“Oh, you’re here!” A voice, making Riku and Kairi turn to face it in surprise, not expecting anyone other than Sora to greet them in this place.

Before them is a boy with short, curly white hair and a red scarf, sitting cross-legged on the glass. One hand rests on his knee, and the other on a dark form just behind him-

“Sora…?” Kairi whispers, taking in the dark form of anti-Sora that crouches just behind the boy. His face remains as impassive as it always is, eyes glowing golden, but he twitches at Kairi’s voice, flinching back as if to try and hide behind the white haired boy.

“Shh, it’s okay.” The boy whispers, letting his arm twist back so it can stay in contact with Sora. “I told you they would come.”

“Of course we came.” Riku has to force the words out, feeling too many things to sort all at once. “Sora-”

Water pools beneath their feet, coating the station in a thin layer that fails to soak their shoes, pouring gently over the sides and into the dark. The white haired boy gently hushes Sora again.

“Who are you?” Kairi asks, forcing them to refocus on this mystery factor. The boy sighs.

“You’re wondering why I’m here, right?” He rubs the back of his head with a wince. “It’s kind of a long story, and I’ll tell it if you want, but don’t you have more important things to worry about?”

He turns in his seat as he speaks, softly nudging Sora’s dark form from behind him, back into full view of Riku and Kairi.

Riku finds himself frozen. He doesn’t know what to do, he feels overwhelmed to see him again, even in this form. He hears Kairi sniffle, and then break into full sobs as she takes several stumbling steps towards him.

Sora flinches back again, and she stops.

“Sora please-” Her voice cracks. “We’ve missed you so much. Please let us help.”

Sora’s head turns away, enough to obscure the glow of his eyes. The strange boy’s gaze softens, smile sad.

“He’s ashamed.” The boy says. “He was hurting so badly, without understanding why, and in turn he hurt you, and he bears that guilt heavily.”

Kairi shakes her head. Riku wishes he could react at all, to deny it, to bring Sora back to them.

“No! I-” Kairi takes a shaky breath, trying to compose herself though the tears still run. “Yes, it hurt. But what hurt more was losing you, Sora. We love you. Please don’t leave us.”

Riku steps forward, throat still closed and the water splashing at his feet. His words are still failing him, but his body doesn’t and so he moves. He takes Kairi’s limp hand as he passes her, moving slowly until he’s just before the strange boy and Sora’s dark form and then he kneels, face to dark face.

He opens his mouth but words refuse to come. He raises a hand as if to cup Sora’s cheek but can’t bring himself to make contact. He’s so afraid of making the wrong move again.

He feels Kairi as she leans into him, bicep to bicep, and then raises her own hand to run through Sora’s hair, pushing his head just enough to move it those last millimeters to put him in contact with Riku’s still hovering palm. Just like that the damn is broken, and Riku surges forward, pressing both Sora and Kairi to him close, breath shuddering as he tries not to cry.

This close Riku can feel it as Kairi’s Chirithy bond snaps into place, and between the three of them the bonds feel _right_ in a way he can’t explain.

“Sora.” He whispers, voice hoarse. “Please come home. We’re not complete without you.”

“Please.” Kairi whispers, pressed into Sora’s other side. “Please.”

When they open their eyes they’re on the shallows of the play island, and Sora is nowhere to be seen.

“Sora?!” Kairi stumbles to her feet, splashing water as she goes. “Sora!”

Riku follows her lead, glancing every which way, looking for any hint that might reveal where he might have gone. There’s nothing though, just the gently lapping waves against the beach and the quiet rustle of palm trees and leaves along the shore.

“You found part of him.” It’s that boy from before, legs dangling over the edge of the bridge leading out to the islet. “But not all. You’ve got a ways to go, unfortunately. Still, don’t lose hope. You’re almost there.”

“Why are you helping us?” Riku asks. This has gone on long enough. The boy leans forward, elbows on knees and chin in his hands, feet kicking idly.

“I guess I should tell you now, since I probably can’t follow you any deeper.” He says. “My name is Ephemera.”

“Oh.” Kairi gasps. “Ven’s…”

“Yeah, Ven’s friend.” He nods. “I hid within him, when the Master of Masters tried to take the light’s that had been gifted to us. I didn’t mean for all this to happen. The Master left us, to chase after another friend of ours, but he left Ven in the hands of Xehanort, and.. Well you must know how that went.”

“He split Ventus in two, and ruined his memories.” Riku supplies, but he’s still confused. “So how did you get here?”

“When Ven was split he took refuge with this boy.. Sora, you said?” Ephemera says, and he leans back, legs still kicking idly. “And I went with him. When he went back to himself, I stayed. Before you ask no, it wasn’t a conscious decision. I think the light I carried just resonated with the light Sora himself had inherited, so I just kinda.. Stuck around. Asleep, deep within.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Kairi murmurs. As much as anything ever does with them. “So then when Sora gave up that keyblade…”

Ephemera’s smile grows sad.

“I was only barely awake, it was the only sign I could give that I was still here. I know he’s forgotten things, but I guess I’d hoped…”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t figure it out.” Riku says. “And I’m sure they will be too.”

“After we’ve saved Sora we’ll help.” Kairi promises. “We helped Ven and Vani and Roxas and Xion… It can’t be that much harder to help you.”

“I appreciate that.” Ephemera grins, and they’re both reminded of Sora by it’s brilliance. “But enough about me, you two have a boyfriend to save.”

Riku can’t help it; he flushes brightly, coughing. Kairi giggles, but she’s blushing too.

“Off you go,” Ephemera waves a hand, and light swirls around Riku and Kairi’s feet, making the play islands vanish as it grows slowly outward. “And hey just in case- don’t trust the Master, and tell the other Ven to take good care of Starlight for me while I’m gone.”

“Oh-” Kairi starts, but the light is brilliant and blinding and she already can barely make the boy out amidst the glow. “His name’s Vanitas!”

If she was heard or given an answer they don’t know as they drop into the abyss once more. She huffs.

“Shoulda thought of that earlier.” She grumbles. Riku chuckles.

“We’ll help him too, and I bet Vani can tell him himself then.”

“That’s true.”

They fall through another endless expanse, white, then dark, then the shifting shades of blue like water lit from above. It makes Riku think of when they first dropped from Chirithy’s domain in the Final World.

Finally, they land. It’s the clearing from before, where they’d first spied the alternate Sora with the Light and Paladin. In the center-

“Sora!” Riku is the one who calls this time, and they both rush forward, only pulling up short as between one blink and the next the Master of Masters appears next to the seemingly sleeping form. The colours in Sora seem faded somehow, almost translucent in places, flickering in and out of reality, but it’s undoubtedly him.

“You.” Kairi’s pose goes on the defensive, blade forming in her hand. The Master just raises his palms in a gesture of peace.

“Wait wait wait, before you go waking loverboy here, there’s still a few pieces you need to know. Full disclosure and all that.”

“And why should we even trust you?” Kairi says, and Riku agrees. “Nothing about what you’ve said or done has been trustworthy.”

“You mean Ephemera?” The man sighs. Riku and Kairi tense. “Yes I know about him, it’s too bad the real me doesn’t. Alas. But more to the point, I do actually want nothing more than to let you two wake this poor boy up with true love's kisses and go on your merry ways.”

“So why stop us?” Riku asks, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. The man reaches down to pat Sora’s spiky hair and Riku finds himself tensing angrily at the unasked intrusion.

“See, it’s like this.” The Master says as he stands straight again. “You know aaaallll about how the Light was split up right? All of its pieces flung far and wide across the now separated worlds. To the now christened Princesses of Heart, and to a number of particularly strong willed individuals which would become keyblade wielders. The real me spent quite a bit of time gathering those up, and now there’s only a few left.”

“Why?” Kairi asks. “For power?”

“For safety!” The man says as if it’s obvious. “You saw what happened when such power was wielded by a fallible god, the very worlds shook themselves apart! Can’t leave that kind of thing in the hands of those who don’t know what they’re doing, so I’m doing them a favour really, taking it off their hands.”

“As if you’re any better?” Riku snorts.

“I am.” The Master answers simply. “Oh I act the fool, for fun mostly, but you can’t manipulate feelings that aren’t there.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Kairi says. “It would just take a different kind of manipulation. You’re just the average power hungry egomaniac who wants to rule everything like all the rest.”

The Master sighs.

“I really am trying to do this the easy way, you know. You don’t want the hard way, trust me. But we’re getting off track. I need the light’s you three carry. All the rest I can simply take, but _you-!_ You three are bonded across lifetimes and your light ties that bond. So I offer you this- you complete the pact you made eons ago, and once that is done you give those lights to me.”

“Why should we?” Kairi demands. “You said yourself this you isn’t even real!”

“Not now no, but your lights are a special kind of powerful, so close to their originator. It would be a simple thing after that.”

“What would that do to us?” Riku has no intention of doing anything besides assuring Sora’s safety, and he needs to know the particulars.

“Nothing much.” The Master shrugs. “Mostly it just means you give up your right to your former godhood, and maybe some of your current powers. Just a little. You will live, and die, as your mortal selves.”

Riku couldn’t care less about godhood, former or otherwise. He just wants Sora back. He can feel Kairi looking up at him, but he doesn’t want to say these things while still under the Master’s scrutiny.

“What happens if we refuse?” Kairi asks. The Master tilts his head until it is plain that he’s looking down at Sora even despite his hidden face.

“Such a sweet boy, if a little.. simple. I can see why you adore him. It really is a shame what he did to himself.. Which your powers enabled, little Light.”

Riku sucks in a breath. His heart fights a war between two reactions- that it was his own power that had led to Sora’s repeated self sacrifice, and that _this man was implying he would hurt Sora to get to them._

“Oh, you didn’t know? Did you really think this nobody of a child broke the laws of the universe all on his own? Not at all, he was using _your_ power.”

“You’re wrong about Sora.” Kairi shakes her head. “Even if he was using Riku’s power.. What he did he did on his own, for _us._ Again and again until he broke himself doing it because he thought it would keep us safe. And that’s _all_ Sora, both the good and the bad.”

“So he’s exceptionally stubborn, big deal. I’ve met a few of those over the eons. But as we have seen, even heroes can fail. This is why I need to take custody of the light, you know, to prevent tragedies like this from happening. I tried, but even my initial attempt at taking _your_ light as a child only ended up warping it unexpectedly. I knew better than to try again. One shouldn’t be careless with these things and I’m not a monster. Death is only an option if you fight back.”

Kairi let’s out a sound like she’d be gut punched, and Riku isn’t far behind her.

So this was who had changed Kairi’s Destiny.

And it had been an _accident._

 _“He is correct on one point, however.”_ Ansem’s voice rings through Riku’s head. _“Power is dangerous, and should not be wielded frivolously.”_

“Maybe so.” Riku answers them both, rallying himself. “But that doesn’t make it yours to take. My darkness is part of my heart, and so is my light. Step away from Sora.”

“That’s your answer? Oh how disappointing. I really was hoping for a little more wisdom from you. The hard way it is then.”

The arena goes bright, and all around them open dozens of blue eyes, staring down at them from the blank edges of the abyss with their unnaturally wide slitted gaze. The glade vanishes, as does Sora’s form, to both Riku’s relief and worry. The Master is silent as he sinks into nothingness. Riku and Kairi ready themselves, weapons summoned and primed, waiting for the first move.

“Did you really think I’d fight you myself? Please, I’m not stupid.”

Shockwaves run across the floor, forcing Riku to dodge and Kairi to block, and as the waves peter out they can already see the next attack incoming, the eyes around them glowing ominously as energy collects before each one.

Beams of light shoot downward, dozens in an array of directions. Riku flings himself towards Kairi and back to back they block the onslaught. Riku grunts as his arms bear the brunt of the force, but they hold their form as the lights fade and the many eyes grow heavy lidded as their power expends itself.

“Now here’s a blast from the past.”

Forms rise from the blank expanse, gaining colour as they take shape. Riku grits his teeth as he sees Xemnas and Ansem take shape, followed by both the Young and Elder Xehanorts, and then finally the possessed Terra.

 _“How dare he.”_ Ansem roars in Riku's mind. _“This has gone far enough. I will not be **used** again! Not even my image!”_

He swirls to life, his disconnected pieces writhing in their barely contained fury, though his center remains impassive.

“Oh hoh!” The Master's voice calls. “Pulling out all the stops, eh? Well then, I can do that too.”

The emotionless forms of their former enemies glow with light, and the eyes along the walls start building their charge once again.

 _“Focus on them, I will deal with the eyes.”_ Xemnas says, and then he too swirls to life. Riku nods, and then there’s no time to talk as the norts lurch forward as one, moving like puppets on strings though no less deadly for it. Kairi parries Young Xehanort expertly and then moves smoothly into dodging an attack from the possessed Terra, coming up into a solid swing that catches him in the side.

Riku takes the first shot at the imposter Xemnas, blocking a wave of darkness from the imposter Ansem just after. Their dark attacks stand out starkly in this area made of light, working in his favour. Ansem sets upon his copy with vicious fury, tearing at the facsimile with a near glee.

Xemnas takes to the center of the arena as the eyes continue building their charge, and power grows around him as he concentrates. His own miniature lasers light up around him, more by the second, and he holds them there, steady and waiting as he continues to add more. Carefully forming and aiming each one despite his quickly vanishing time.

The eyes flash in warning just as they release, beams of light about to shoot from them once more, but Xemnas is ready, releasing the lasers he’s created, each striking an eye just as it prepares to fire, causing them to misfire and destroying them entirely.

One by one the eyes shudder, and then vanish, each carefully aimed laser taking them out with precision.

Riku cleaves through the imposter of Xemnas just as Kairi flicks her blade clean of dripping shards of light, and then there is only one remaining.

They come together, Kairi and Riku in the center, flanked by Ansem and Xemnas, and stare down Old Master Xehanort. Kairi snorts.

“Even when it’s not even really him he lets everyone else do the fighting first.”

“We destroyed him once. We can do it again.” Riku hefts his blade. Kairi nods, her armour flashing to life around her. Xemnas snaps out an arm, his blade of red light extended, and under Ansem rolls the teeming darkness, ready to be released.

“You think I will be so easily defeated?” The old man speaks, surprising Riku. He hadn’t seemed any more animated than the others and yet-

“We did it before.” Kairi shoots back, but Riku can hear the shake in her voice. “We’ll do it again.”

“Heh.” The old man smirks. “Perhaps. But this, this is a memory, is it not? Cobbled together from what you yourselves remember. And so my power is not equal to what it actually was, but how you remember me.”

Riku’s grip tenses.

“So tell me, children. Are you afraid?”

Stars help him, he is. That they had beaten him once didn’t seem to matter. They had been surrounded by friends, outnumbered him immensely, and yet still they’d struggled. More than that, he’d taken Sora from them, something Riku knows will haunt him for the rest of his days.

Kairi’s breath shudders next to him, and he knows she must be in a similar state.

Xemnas floats forward, placing himself between the old man and the teenagers. He cannot speak in this form, but his intention is high and clear under Riku’s skin.

_‘I’m not.’_

The man for whom Xemnas had spent a decade serving, even unknowingly, held no sway here anymore. Riku’s heart lifts. Declared with a single simple act, Xemnas’ path was divested from Xehanort's entirely.

Xehanort tsks, and then rushes forward, keyblade bared, only to be halted in his tracks by rising claws of darkness, stark against the white ground. Ansem throws him away with force and a snarl.

_‘No more.’_

No more were those Xehanort had created to be pawns beholden to him.

Xehanort rushes them again, trying to skirt around the pair to get at the more vulnerable duo behind them, still caught by their own surprise and lingering trauma, but neither Xemnas nor Ansem let him, driving him back again and again until finally Riku and Kairi rally themselves, standing strong and ready to fight. Kairi rushes into the fray with a cry, and Riku charges magic behind her.

Kairi’s blade strikes true, opposite from Xemnas’ palm blade, flinging the old man back, where he is lambasted by rising claws of darkness from Ansem and a dark firaga from Riku. Xehanort tries to recoup, lashing out with blade and magic, but even as they trade blows the winners are soon apparent. Xehanort stumbles, and then falls, and the four of them stand over his prone form, watching it break apart and vanish like the others.

He holds no expression at all, and perhaps that is the most disconcerting part.

Riku feels something behind him more than he has any real evidence of it being there, but he’s not quite fast enough to dodge as the Master wraps a hand around the back of his neck and lifts him off the ground entirely.

“Now, you see what it’s come to? I’m not a big fan of fighting myself you know.”

Kairi whirls with a gasp, blade bared but not willing to swing with Riku in the way. He feels lightheaded as the fingers tighten, but he gathers enough presence to wave three fingers to Kairi, which thankfully also stalls Xemnas and Ansem from retaliating in fury.

She doesn’t nod, can’t let on, but he knows she’s understood.

“So, here’s what we’re going-” The Master starts, but he’s cut off as Riku’s internal countdown hits zero, and he swings a foot out as far as he can, and then brings it back into the Master’s midsection with as much force as he can manage. It’s not the most powerful kick he’s ever made, with an angle like that, but it’s enough to surprise the Master into releasing his hold around Riku’s neck. Kairi is already moving even as his foot swings out, dashing forward, and swings hard as the Master drops Riku with a grunt. It misses Riku by only a hairsbreadth, but that had been the point. Neither of them wanted to give the man any chance to get away again.

He doesn’t even have time to recover, Kairi’s blade hitting him solidly as he hunches from Riku’s blow. Riku doesn’t have the cognisance to summon his own blade, but he does have enough to stick a leg out and trip the Master as he stumbles back from the strike.

He falls back, directly into Ansem’s waiting claws.

“Oh well would ya look at that.” He says, far too calmly for someone with a massive clawed hand sticking from his chest. “Good work kiddos. Hope that luck holds out when you meet the real me. Or not actually. Pretty sure I’d like to win.”

And then he’s gone like the others, the white area vanishes, and the glade returns with Sora still sleeping peacefully in it. Xemnas and Ansem cast knowing glances at each other and then vanish, returning to the depths of Riku’s heart.

Riku and Kairi waste no time, no thought to the Master’s parting words, Riku instead shoving himself to his feet run as fast as his legs can carry him back to where Sora lies prone, rasping. He skids to a halt, and were this place real he surely would have left grass and dirt stains on the knees of his pants, but as it is he kneels next to Sora, Kairi only a moment behind him.

“Sora.” He calls softly. “Sora wake up.”

“We’re here Sora.” Kairi reaches out, curling over him to press her forehead to his barely solid one. “We’re here.”

And after a moment that feels almost painfully long, Sora stirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew, been a while since our last fight scene. sorry about the cliffhanger, you know how it goes.


	6. Self Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reunion time, many emotions inbound

Sora’s awareness is slow.

He hears them calling, so soft and sweet and he yearns, oh he yearns, but again and again dreams take him, too tired to rise from the sleep that has claimed him. The calls get closer.

He remembers that boy who’d talked to him, but he’s not here anymore. He feels the chain of his pendant against his chest, and the light it holds is a balm and a burn against him. Don’t think about it, he’d told himself, but he can’t help it. He loves them. He wants to see them again.

He hears them calling, and eventually not even endless sleep can force him to resist their call.

His eyelids feel like they’ve been tied down with lead weights, but eventually, eventually, he forces them to open, and the moment he does it’s worth every effort because the first thing he sees is their beautiful faces looking down at him, abject relief in their smiles.

Water falls on his cheeks, and he realises Kairi is crying.

No don’t cry, he tries to say, tries to reach up to wipe away her tears, but his body is tied by the same lead weights his eyes had been and he can’t manage either attempt. That won’t do.

“K… ai..” The syllables trip over themselves, rude in their disharmony, but Kairi smiles like it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever heard.

“We’re here, Sora.” And there’s Riku, who’s own eyes look more than a little wet, though he won’t let any of those tears fall. How like him, Sora thinks. Though he hates to see them cry, he hates to see them hide more.

“R... ku…” but of course he can’t communicate any of that. He’s exhausted, but he’s been exhausted for so long he’s become tired of it. His heart still hurts, but to see them like this.. His heart sings, finding that that little tune that even now refuses to be muted completely, and he idly fantasizes maybe he can hear their hearts sing back.

“We’re here to bring you home.” Kairi says, drawing his sluggish gaze back to her. “Are you ready?”

Was he? He doesn’t know. He won’t be any help like this. His lips part, but sound and movement are too hard, and he can’t answer- not that he really knew what he was going to say anyway.

Riku and Kairi tug him just enough to sit upright, and both press close to hug him tightly. It feels like an eternity since he’s been hugged, but he’s grateful they don’t seem to expect him to reciprocate. Even the thought of lifting his arms makes him want to fall back into that endless slumber.

“I’m sorry we weren’t there for you, when you needed us.” Riku says into Sora’s left ear, leaving Sora confused. After all, he was the one who had left them, hurt them. And yet… He finds himself grateful for it. He’d missed them so much.

“Me too.” Kairi whispers on his other side. “If there was one thing I would change.. It would be leaving you to deal with your hurt alone.”

“N..o.” Sora croaks. It doesn’t matter how tired he is. He can’t let this stand. He couldn’t let them bear that guilt. “Not… your fault.”

Riku pulls back only just enough that he can look Sora in the eyes, cupping his cheeks.

“Maybe not.. But it’s not yours either, okay? You can apologize for hurting us, you can apologize for not talking to us about how you were feeling, but this _situation_ is not your fault. Xehanort created this whole shitty scenario that pushed you to the point where you had to keep hurting yourself to help everyone else. I don’t think anyone could handle that kind of thing alone.”

Riku runs his thumbs across Sora’s cheeks as his tears start to fall. The memories are indistinct now and he’s grateful- even those vague outlines, of every loop of every failure of every _death-_ are still nearly more than he can handle.

He forces his body to move, not much, just enough to let him tip forward into Riku’s arms. Shame and embarrassment are left by the wayside as he takes comfort in how those arms wrap around him now, holding him upright. He can’t do more than nudge his hand towards where Kairi sits next to them but somehow she picks up his intent, leaning back into the hug herself, pulling his limp arm around her and he basks in the presence of them both.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that. Moments or eons. He’s not sure if he cares. If he could stay like this until the end of time that would be okay, Sora thinks.

But eventually it must end, and it does, though thankfully his companions don’t pull away completely. He feels his tiredness lift ever so slightly as he rests between them, and he selfishly doesn’t want to relinquish that. They remain close, sitting next to each other in a loose line, or sometimes circle, depending how they feel in that moment. Sometimes Sora finds his head pillowed in their laps, and sometimes they’re the ones to rest their head against his stomach or chest. It’s nice. It reminds him of simpler times, kids with all the world and possibilities before them dreaming idly of a raft on the beach.

They’re sitting up again, Sora leaning against Kairi, and Riku’s legs draped over both of theirs as he lays back against the ground.

“The question is.. How _do_ we get home?” Kairi asks, and Riku blinks as if surprised by the question. His look is quickly replaced by one of deep thought though, gazing up into the empty sky as he thinks.

“We’re deep in here.” He says, laying out his thoughts to keep them straight. “Chirithy’s voice faded out a while back. We can try Naminé but she warned us she might not be able to reach this deep either. Even Ephemera wasn’t sure if he could get here.”

“Came this far and didn’t leave ourselves a string to follow back.” Kairi huffs. “Though I’m not sure what we could have done. None of this is really normal.”

Sora leans his head against her shoulder. Nothing is real here but he can smell the scent of her favourite shampoo anyway. He only vaguely recalls Ephemera, but Naminé… makes him think of the others, everyone else he left behind. Promises he never really kept. Did they want him to come home too? He’d left his mothers behind again… And his heartmates. ....Former heartmates. The guilt makes his heart hurt. He owes them an apology at least. Maybe staying here forever wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“We’ll figure it out.” Kairi is clearly forcing her optimism, but Sora is grateful for it. It means he doesn’t have to. “I’ll try calling Naminé anyway, but in the meantime I guess a little more time to let you heal a bit more can’t hurt right?” She turns to Sora, a smile on her face. He wishes it were that easy. Maybe it is.

“Yeah.” Riku agrees. “It’s not so bad. Like when we were stranded on that beach in the dark realm.”

It’s not like that at all, Sora thinks. They’d been so wild and full of hope and love then. Now.. Now he can barely even speak he’s so broken, and he’s dragged them both down with him. Again.

But they can’t hear his thoughts, and Kairi is already nodding in agreement with Riku, so he supposes he’s overruled. Nothing is real here, but he feels like he can feel the broken bit of paopu in his pocket anyway, waiting like a forgotten promise.

Kairi ends up being unable to reach Naminé, and they wile away the time- or not-time. Whatever passes for time in this realm. They toss ideas back and forth, and when those run dry they talk about old memories, and when those start to get stale they simply talk. They notice Sora is better when they’re close, so they huddle together in this memory of an empty glade in the bottom of the abyss.

They tell Sora of their adventure getting here, the things they’d learned. They tell him how everyone back home had been doing when they’d left, how Ven and Vani were traveling the worlds trying to figure themselves out, how Xion had found a realisation in the conversation between him and Chirithy, how Haru was staying with his mom’s to keep them company. On and on, Terra and Aqua, Mickey, Roxas, the friends on every world he’d ever visited, even the former Organization members.. and with each story he misses them all more.

Guilt twists his heart once again. Distance had numbed the pain, but made his actions all the more cruel in hindsight.

They’re cuddled together tightly again, Riku’s arm over Sora and Kairi’s wrapped tightly around his waist, heads hovering close together as they talk.

“Will they forgive me?” He asks. Talking was getting easier now, though his body was still sluggish and slow. Riku’s arm over his shoulder tenses. He doesn’t specify who, but it’s obvious enough.

“They already have.” Kairi says, and in that voice he knows she’s not lying. Stars, he misses them so much. He still doesn’t know what life will be like without Ven and Vani by his side. It’s terrifying, but now that he’s ensconced in this bubble so far from them- from all his friends- it’s even more scary to never see them again at all.

He wants.. To see them again, his oldest and closest friends.

“They just want you to come home safe.” Riku adds.

Sora doesn’t know what he did to deserve them all, all his friends, his family, all the people who had for so long given him strength. He’s so, so grateful for every one of them, for still believing in him when he no longer believed in himself.

But something else is bothering him.

They’ve been sitting quietly, Riku and Kairi on either side of him, each holding him up as they rest, the words having simply and naturally slipped away into a comfortable silence. He likes it, but the thought keeps turning in his head, growing stronger with each pass, until he has to speak.

“You.. talked about the others a lot.” And he’s glad. “But not you. What did.. You do?”

“Looked for you, mostly.” Kairi says, sounding half asleep as she droops against his shoulder. “There wasn’t really much time for anything else.”

“It was the only thing that mattered.” Riku’s tone speaks of finality, and Sora’s heart glows with love and disbelief that he could possibly mean so much to them.

“Did you..” He doesn’t know how to ask without stumbling in awkward teenage embarrassment. You’d think he’d be over it by now, but there’s a unique sort of flustered that comes with asking your best friends if they were dating yet. “While I was gone, did you… together, I mean-”

Kairi sits up a little straighter, and shares a glance with Riku above his head where Sora is sure they don’t think he can see, but he doesn’t need to. He can still feel them shift against him, and knows them well enough to figure it out.

“No.” Riku answers for them both. Sora’s heart sinks. His awful outburst had done exactly as intended then, and ruined everything.

“We talked about it, a little.” Kairi continues. “But we decided we wanted to wait for you, if you were willing.”

Sora’s heart doesn’t know whether it should raise or sink further, doing confusing flipflops in his chest.

“What.. does that mean?” Does he want to know the answer? It’s too late, it’s already come out of his mouth somehow. Riku and Kairi shift, pressing close.

“It means we love you, silly. Both of us.” Kairi teases in the softest voice he’s ever heard from her, like a breath on the wind. His heart feels full to bursting even as he remains sure he doesn’t deserve this. Riku tilts his head to rest against the top of Sora’s and oh- he’s crying again. How had he gotten it so wrong?

“Riku?”

“Yeah.” He confirms, and it’s a tone of voice Sora’s not sure he’s ever heard before. “We do.”

“Riku doesn’t want to say it out loud until we’re all okay.” Kairi says, all lighthearted teasing in her tone. Riku doesn’t deny it, continuing to merely rest his head against Sora’s.

Sora looks up at the empty sky.

“What if I’m never okay?” He asks. After everything.. He doesn’t know what okay looks like anymore.

“Then when we get home. Or whenever you want me to. Okay is.. Relative these days. We’re probably never going to be totally okay either.” Riku’s admission grows soft at the end, but still laced with the determination that was all Riku. “But we’ll get better, we’ll work for that, because we deserve it. Because _you_ deserve it.”

Sora doesn’t believe he does, but he believes in Riku, and he supposes that’s the next best thing. He’s tried so hard to smother his treacherous heart, but he can’t stop it any more. In this moment he needs to hear those words more than anything.

“... I want you to.” Sora whispers so quietly he can hardly even hear himself. He turns his head towards Riku, then louder, “I want you to say it.”

And then towards Kairi, tears welling in his eyes again.

“I want you to.”

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Kairi turns toward him more fully, pressing her lips softly against his jaw.

“I love you.” She says.

Riku presses his kiss into Sora's hairline, so firmly he can feel the desperation in it though it doesn’t linger.

“I love you.” He says, voice hoarse and hesitant.

Maybe he can be a little selfish.

-

Sora’s heart is still in tatters, they’re all painfully aware of this, and with no body left for him to return to it’s yet another stumbling block in a long line of them.

“I don’t want to put that on you.” Sora tries to dissuade them. “I don’t want my broken heart to hurt you more.”

“You’ve taken so many hearts into yours, Sora. More than even we knew.” Kairi says. “Maybe let us do the same for you for a change.”

“Could we both do it?” Riku asks. “It might lessen the strain, make it easier on the both of us. Sad to say even with our own experience it’s nothing compared to yours.” He directs this last part to Sora, a small grin on his lips.

Sora can’t quite smile at the lighthearted banter yet, but he manages a somewhat light huff and a pout. It’s progress.

“It doesn’t really matter, we still haven’t figured out a way home.” Sora sighs. Riku opens his mouth, and then pauses.

_“There is a possibility.”_

Oh, Sora knows that voice. Had he been there the whole time? That’s embarrassing. Sora had long since worked out a privacy system with Ven and Vani, but he had no idea what Riku had worked out with his own heartmates.

“Xemnas thinks he might have an idea.” Riku glances between Kairi and Sora. “What kind of idea?”

Sora looks to Kairi who waits with a blank face. Could she not hear him? Was it because this was Sora’s refuge, deep in this abyss? He doesn’t know.

_“I have been.. Testing my once connection to Aqua’s keyblade. I believe I might be able to reach it with enough effort, and through it to Aqua herself.”_

“Really?” Riku brightens. “If you can reach Aqua, then-”

“She could reach the others!” Kairi catches on easily. “Daisy chain us out!”

Sora bites the inside of his cheek. Riku reaches out his hand, and now with only moderate effort Sora takes it. They sit like that, just holding hands and gazes.

“You trust him?” Kairi asks. Sora can’t exactly blame her for her caution. Riku nods.

“He’s still learning, they both are, but I trust him to try.”

Good enough for Sora. He nods, and Riku releases his hand, standing. Xemnas swirls to life in his usual flashes of gray and distinct nobody lines. Kairi tugs gently on Sora’s arm, pulling him to stand, and Riku takes his other side, suspending Sora between them. Riku’s free hand grasps one of Xemnas’ loose sleeves tightly and then he nods. Xemnas returns his nod and then looks upward.

For a long moment, nothing happens.

 _“Please.”_ Sora hears Xemnas’ voice, a plea so quiet he’s nearly convinced he hadn’t heard it at all.

And then a fierce blue glow erupts around them, graceful and iridescent. An answering voice, one that makes no sound at all, rings out from the aether.

_~I’m here I’m coming hold on!~_

A flash and Aqua’s keyblade, Stormfell, floats before them. Another moment and then-

_“There you are.”_

“Aqua!” Kairi cries, voice filled with hope. A hand materializes, grasping the blade tightly as Xemnas grabs the other end of it. Aqua’s form quickly follows, glowing brightly and ethereal, a projection of her joy and will. It pulls them upward, but slowly, more like struggling through quicksand than floating through air.

“It’s not enough.” Riku calls. Sora doesn’t know if Aqua can hear them, but even if she can’t he’s sure she can tell there’s only so far she can pull them on her own. He’s right, as a moment later a new light enters the chain and another voice speaks.

 _“Need some help?”_ Terra asks, voice light, and they drift higher. Another light follows soon after, followed almost instantly by fourth.

 _“You found him!”_ Ven’s voice is joyous, and Sora could cry with relief at just hearing him again.

 _“Focus.”_ Vanitas enters the chain with no hesitation, shining fiercely in concentration, and the abyss falls away from them ever faster. He glows just as brightly as the rest somehow, purples and blacks in contrast to the array of golds and reds and before him.

Vanitas reaches out, and Xion enters the chain with a jubilant cry, followed by Roxas and Naminé both, who latch on with equal determination.

 _“You’re coming home! We’re not waiting anymore!”_ Roxas shouts, and Sora could almost laugh at how angry he sounds.

 _“You’ll be home soon.”_ Naminé agrees, but her voice is soft. She doesn’t have the power to move them like the others do, but she floats alongside, keeping the more tenuous links stable as they travel upward. The chain stutters as the path upwards grows thick and murky, but then Donald and Goofy appear simultaneously, slamming them through the block with force, determination in every inch of their souls.

 _“No more lazing about, Sora!”_ Donald scolds as he grabs the back of Roxas’ jacket. _“You’re not getting away from us this time!”_

 _“Keep doin’ yer best!”_ Goofy encourages, linked with Donald. _“Just a little further!”_

 _“C’mon fella’s!”_ And there’s Mickey. _“Can’t let something like this stop us!”_

It’s like turning the lights on in the darkened rooms of Sora’s heart, almost painfully bright, but at the same time it's nice to just be able to _see_ again. More links are added as they go, a contradiction of silent yet roaring and unaware support from every new point, every heart Sora had connected to in his travels. They glitter like radiant stars in the dark, each connected to the next in a chain of hope.

They are so many, and it’s overwhelming to see, but for once it’s overwhelming in a good way.

They burst from the still waters of the Final World and keep going, no rest will they find here, not with home so close to within their reach. More hearts reach out, from every corner of the universe, every touch pulling them faster and faster towards the realm of light.

They’re too caught up in the adrenaline, in the rush of the ever faster journey home, but for Sora time slows down for just a moment as he passes those reflective waters.

He reaches out, though his strength is still negligible, and smiles as Chirithy takes his hand.

-

Even and Ienzo had been hard at work while Riku and Kairi were gone, nearly four months apparently, and they only have a short while to wait for a body to be prepared. Sora rests between Riku and Kairi, hands always clasped and tied by a simple chain adorned with a small, stylized crown. He sleeps mostly, still hurt and exhausted, but with the possibility of healing on the horizon they are filled with hope instead of despair.

He has no form like this, a heart held between two people, but Chirithy stays with him somehow anyway, clutched to his chest like the comfort of a long loved stuffed animal. During Sora’s few periods of wakefulness they had assured him that they would return to Ven soon, but for now Sora needed them more, and Sora accepts this with relief. It’s nice to have Chirithy close like this, keeping the nightmares at bay. Not unlike how Riku once did, but with him and Kairi holding his heart right now, it’s all a little more complicated. Chirithy doesn’t seem to mind temporarily taking up their mantle at least.

It’s a strange place to be in, Sora thinks. On one edge he can feel where Ansem and Xemnas rest against Riku’s heart, but it’s as if they’re separated by a partition, no more able to communicate than they could if Sora had his own body. Maybe Riku had done that on purpose, it was hard to say. He can feel Kairi’s connection to Naminé too on the opposite edge, though it’s more like squinting at a tiny sign down the street due to their distance. His heart station doesn’t rest in the deep recesses of their hearts, but instead nestled between them, in a place that is neither here nor there. He can’t explain it.

He can feel them both, when he’s awake enough to register that fact. They still have a lot to talk about, but for now most of it must wait. He registers their joy and relief to have him with him, the ache of tense hope as they wait for the finishing touches on the soon to be completed replica, the fear and uncertainty under the surface coming from too many things for Sora to name.

He feels their love.

He feels their guilt.

He feels the barest edges of what had once been anger. Sometimes he wishes they would turn it on him in truth, like he deserves, but they never do. It recedes with each passing moment, too happy to have him back to let it take them. Something to discuss later maybe.

People come through to see them, offering comfort and support, most choosing to stay nearby in anticipation for when the transfer is completed. It’s a unique sort of tenseness that lies in the air around them, one full of hope and worry in equal measure.

Sora’s mothers take up house in the next room over, having braved the trip with Haru to see them. It was their first time off world, and Donald was none too happy about messing with the order more, but most everyone else considers that time long since passed.

And then, it’s ready, and the transfer is complete.

Sora blinks heavy eyes open, and there are only two other people in the room. He’s lying on his side, and Chirithy is already gone, hopefully off to find Ven and Vanitas. Kairi grins widely as tears pool in her eyes, and Riku sags with sheer relief.

“Hey.” Kairi says softly, reaching up to pet Sora’s hair. He leans in to the touch, relaxing muscles he hadn’t even realised he had tensed.

“Hi.” He says back.

“How are you feeling?” Riku asks. Sora frowns. “Physically, I mean. Ienzo said we had to ask if the scientists were going to leave us alone with you.”

Sora opens his mouth, and then stops, looking up into their earnest, worried faces. In a flash he remembers, and he knows he can’t lie, he can’t do that to them again. He needs to be honest, both with them and with himself.

“I’m tired.” He answers. He lifts one arm, easier than it had been in the abyss at least, to try and pull both of them closer. “But my body doesn’t hurt.”

Riku nods like this makes sense. He glances at Kairi who seems to read his mind and hops up onto the bed with Sora, curling herself over his hip and leaving plenty of room for Riku to nudge Sora over and climb up himself to press shoulder to shoulder with him.

“And inside?” Kairi asks, voice almost painfully gentle. Sora squeezes his eyes shut, and he’s thankful for their patience, waiting as he wrestles with the instinctive urge to pretend that he’s fine for their comfort. He wants to, he wants things to go back to the way they were, he doesn’t want to worry them.

But.. Things aren’t the way they were. They never will be. He needs to work with how things are now. 

He blinks his eyes open, takes in Kairi curled around his hip, brushing her fingers gently over the skin of his arm while she waits, takes in Riku’s carefully controlled breathing as he stares at the ceiling. Not dismissive or ignoring, just waiting, so very patiently for him. Always for him.

“It.. It still hurts. I’m scared.” The fear lodges in his throat but he forces himself to continue. “I don’t know what to do next. But.. it’s a little less scary than it was before, I think.”

They’d come for him, in a place that should have been completely impossible. They’d come for him, because…

“I’m sorry.” Sora blurts, and now he’s crying. “I’m sorry for hiding. I broke everything.”

“Not everything.” Riku turns to lay on his side, facing Sora, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “We can work with that. It’s going to be okay, Sora.”

Sora looks down to wear Kairi is now sitting up, and he reaches out to her. She smiles, and though the bed is nearly too small for all three of them lengthwise, she falls into his arms.

“Your apology is accepted.” She says, and Sora feels Riku’s arm lay across them both as they hug. “And whatever comes next, we’ll figure it out, okay? Together.”

Sora can’t answer, the stream of tears becoming the hiccuping sobs of outright bawling. He loves them. He loves them both so much. He can’t say it through the tears but he wants to so badly it hurts.

“Together.” Riku affirms, nearly unheard over Sora’s cries.

At least it’s a different kind of hurt, one born of just how much love he has to give.

Maybe it’s not even really a hurt at all.

Sora doesn’t know, He’s done too much thinking today and so he pushes it from his mind as he curls into Kairi’s tight hug, reaching out to blindly grasp one of Riku’s hands, shuddering. He still feels hurt and empty and _lonely_ but.. At least he has this.

As his sobs start to quiet, Riku gently wipes the tears from his cheeks. Kairi gets up to fetch him some tissues.

“Are you ready to see the others?” She asks as she hands him one. “You don’t have to. Take all the time you need, they’ll understand.”

Sora let’s himself think about it. He wants to see them all so badly, but he’s not sure if he can take being swarmed right now. He resists the instinctual urge to say yes without thought, trying desperately to weigh the wants of others against his own needs in this moment.

“I wanna see Ven and Vani.” His voice is still hoarse from crying, but he makes himself speak. More than anyone else he wants to see his childhood heartmates again.

Kairi nods, and after a quick round of ocean-storm-seagull with Riku, she gets up to give everyone the good news. Sora misses her presence almost immediately, tensing into a knot of anxiety, but tries to comfort himself with the knowledge that she’ll be back soon.

“Do you want us to be here when you talk to them?” Riku asks, and Sora hadn’t even thought of that. Did he? He wasn’t really sure if he wanted an audience for this, but at the same time having both Riku and Kairi away from him right now makes his insides twist unpleasantly.

As if sensing his thoughts, he feels Riku’s connection to him wrap around his heart with warmth and comfort. A moment later he feels Kairi’s do the same, not physically present but sensing his need for reassurance all the same.

“Wait outside?” Sora asks hesitantly. “Don’t go too far… Please.”

Riku nods, completely accepting.

“Of course.”

-

Riku leaves the room, and though he knows it will be only moments before Ven and Vani come in, he sits up and bundles himself into a cocoon of the thin blanket, trying desperately to mimic their warmth. His fingers clench and unclench in the fabric as he waits, each second ticking by like a small eternity. Maybe this was a mistake. Did they even want to see him, after what he’d done? They’d probably done their grieving already, what right did he have to waltz back into their lives like this?

But then the door opens, and his spiralling thoughts scatter as Ven and Vani step through. Ven lights up with a wide, wobbly grin as his eyes start to shine wetly, and Vanitas’ eyebrows furrow as he tries to clamp down on whatever overwhelming thing he’s feeling. Both rush forward, crossing the distance between the door and the bed in a matter of steps, only to pull back sharply when Sora flinches.

“S-sorry- I-” He stutters. Stars, he’s making it worse, isn’t he? “I didn’t mean-”

Ven comes a little closer, more slowly this time, kneeling next to the bed so Sora is looking down at him instead of up.

“It’s okay, Sora.” He sniffs, still smiling, rubbing at one cheek with the back of his hand as the first tears fall. “Whatever you need. We’re just glad to see you.”

It makes Sora smile, just a little bit, and they both take that as a victory. He looks up at Vanitas, who is still wearing that same stony expression he’d had when he entered. His fists are clenched tightly, making his knuckles go white from the pressure. Sora’s smile falls.

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” Vanitas cuts him off, voice sharp. He takes a deep breath through his nose and then glances away with a grimace. Then says again- “Don’t.”

Sora waits, uncertain, and for once he doesn’t instinctively know what Vanitas wants or needs. His whole world has turned somehow, and he hasn’t learned how to navigate it yet.

“I’m... sorry.” Vanitas finally manages to speak, looking Sora dead in the eyes.”I thought it would help. I thought it would snap you out of it.”

It’s a moment before Sora realises, oh, he’s talking about the keyblade graveyard. It feels both so very recent and yet an eternity ago. He shakes his head. Vanitas might not have had the right words, but...

“I don’t know if anything could have.” Sora admits, clutching the blanket draped over his head and shoulders all the tighter. “I wasn’t.. I don’t… Even if you don’t want me to say it, I am. I really am. I hurt you- I hurt everyone- with what I did, and I wish I hadn’t.”

He hopes they understand what he’s trying to say. He doesn’t feel very clear. Although he knows they’re there now, the memories of ancient lifetimes are distant and fuzzy, but accessing them isn’t something he really cares to try. In those other lives he hadn’t had Ven and Vani in his life, thinking he was alone like every other kid on the islands… But in this one he _had_. In _this_ one he’d had them every step of the way. The moment drags on, Ven glancing between them.

Vanitas opens his arms, and waits.

Maybe once Sora would have leapt into them without a second thought, reveling in the rare offering. Maybe once Ven would have teased him for not being able to use his words as usual. But those times are gone, and Sora is terrified of hurting everyone around him again.

Still, even as his thoughts try to drag him down a well of emotions rise up just as quickly, and oh he _needs_ it. He needs that touch, that comfort, almost desperately. He shifts forward, grip on the blanket around him loosening as if in slow motion, letting it fall away, and then he’s curled into Vanitas’ chest as he hiccups with soft sobs once more. Vani’s arms wrap around him, solid and protective, and a moment later he feels another pair that must be Ven.

Maybe he wasn’t okay yet, and maybe he doesn’t know what life will be like without them, but.. That was just how things are now, isn’t it? His feelings are complicated, and he’s probably going to need help, but maybe that in and of itself is okay.

He’s ready to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of where we follow sora's journey, and it ends just like it began- dispersing the darkness with a hug.
> 
> obviously healing isn't so simple, but he's on his way now, and for now we're going to leave him to it. the next part will focus on everyone else we left behind, starting from just after the keyblade graveyard and currently planned to cross a little more than a year's worth of time. it's going to be a little different compared to the rest of the series thus far, as it doesn't follow a single character, instead each chapter will focus on a different character or group as they navigate their new lives. eventually it will catch up to this scene and then pass it- but that's future talk ;)
> 
> originally some of you may recall that the name for this hypothetical fic was going to be the New Normal.... and, well, things changed ^^; while tones of that still certainly exist, once i had finished staging out each of the major plot points i found the name just didn't fit anymore. so it goes
> 
> the next fic, Recoup, Rebuild, is going to be a bit different in some other ways too, one of which being that i'm _not_ going to finish writing it before i start uploading it (and yes, i am terrified of this prospect but it's the only way i can make this work). as such, i reserve the right to go back and change or add scene's as needed. What this also means is that i will no longer be able to guaruntee an update schedule, which i know really sucks, but in sheer chapter length the next fic is liable to outstrip even Abandon Ship... and i won't lie, writing has been hard lately. despite the welcome intervention of therapy and medication, depression and anxiety are still taking their toll and i don't think i would be able to finish it if i tried to do my usual thing. 
> 
> currently i have four chapters written, i'm going to upload those on my usual thursday schedule and from there on i will update as i finish them... and im not gonna lie, that might mean months of no updates followed by two weeks of like five updates. im very irregular like that.
> 
> so anyway, that's the plan. thanks for being here as always, and hopefully i'll see you in the next fic

**Author's Note:**

> updates thursdays


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